SaintMotbot's Premier League Chairman Game

Update

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Europa League

The season started in early July for the Hammers as they faced Europa League qualifiers. Diafra Sakho started on fire with 5 goals in his first two games as West Ham easily Lusitans 8-0 on aggregate.

Hanvar Botlfelag were next up for West Ham in what was again a fairly straightforward tie - the Hammers winning 7-0. Dimitri Payet and Sakho were the form players in this two legged affair.

David Cameron was looking forward to the game against Trnava and he was reportedly "blowing bubbles" with the home fans during a comprehensive 4-0 win. For the away leg, Cameron was back at Downing Street and was photographed watching the game in his dodgy box (another 4-0 win)

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We will come to the league games soon, before that we will concentrate on the Europa League play off against AFC Astra (not to be confused with the popular Vauxhall car). The away leg was all about West Ham having a decent buffer to bring back to The Boleyn Ground. Despite a James Collins red card in the 25th minute, West Hame were already comfortably 2-0 in front. The score remained the same for the rest of the game as Astra rarely threatened Adrian's goal.

In the home leg, West Ham started fast, Payet putting them 2-0 up within 15 minutes. The Hammers were helped massively by Astra's pathetic discipline as they received 2 red cards before the game was half an hour old. Manuel Lanzini made itr 3-0 and in the second half Carl Jenkinson scored a brace to rub salt in the AFC Astra wounds.

Following the win, David Cameron and all the West Ham players, staff and fans were eagerly awaiting the Europa League draw. A group consisting of Lazio, Dnipro and Young Boys was the reward and West Ham will be confident of progressing from that group. A record so far of 8 games played, 30 goals scored and 0 conceded in Europe.

Premier League

The Premier League started at home for West Ham as they welcomed Newcastle United, fans were buoyant at kick off, however that was soon tempered as Moussa Sissoko scored after just 3 minutes. It proved to be a frustrating afternoon for the home team as they huffed and puffed but could not breach the Magpies goal. Cheick Kouyate compounded things by getting himself sent off with 15 minutes left.

The season didn't get any easier with a trip to the Emirates to face an Arsenal side now boasting Paul Pogba. It was Pogba who opened the scoring here, another early goal conceded by West Ham. Ozil scored after half an hour and that was the end of the scoring.

Chelsea were next at the Boleyn Ground and the much hated John Terry received his marching orders after 8 minutes. Dimitri Payet scored the only goal of this game as West Ham bagged a very important 3 points - their first of the season.

The final game of August was a drab 0-0 draw in South Wales at Swansea.


Despite the bad start in the league, West Ham are now 4 games unbeaten in all competitions and will look to climb the Premier League while being competitive in Europe.​
 
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President Putin's Overview

Transfers
This squad was a bit like the Dutch team - a few decent players, but in need of some quality players to refresh the side. So I stepped in and sorted it out.

OUT
The only major out was Oscar to rivals Liverpool. The key to a good squad is having no-one unhappy, and with Mr. H in charge we would most likely be played without a CAM so Oscar would not be fulfilling his potential. This would lead to someone being unhappy - so we sold Oscar.

Also worth noting are the loans of Rahman (Norwich), Loftus-Cheek (Villa) and Malcom (Bournemouth).

IN
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Jonjo Shelvey
English and cheap, enough said. (AKA ****** HG rules)

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Luiz Gustavo
Look at that face - he ain't taking no **** from no-one! He was unhappy at the sale of R-Rod by Wolfsburg, so we activated his RC as well.

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Malcom
One for the future, will become a HG player as long as he doesn't leave the country (Someone take his passport already!)

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Mayke
Signed by Hiddink, could replace Ivanovic as backup RB


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Pepe
Luiz Gustavo and Diego Costa aren't enough bad boys for this side, so in comes notorious bad boy Pepe (AKA my bezzie mate!)


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Ricardo Rodriguez
We needed a LB who isn't actually a RB, and is actually first team ready. Up steps R-Rod


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Thiago Alcantara
Out of favour with Pep G, signed by us to add some Spanish flair to our midfield - Cesc doesn't count :P


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Youri Tielemans
Someone told me this kid was talented, so we signed him.


And finally, the one I am most proud of:
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Lord Nicklas Bendtner!
Yes, that's right! We have signed 7-time (consecutive) World Player of the Year Nicklas Bendtner!! (The wins are all in a dream, but still :P) And he's HG!


Results
Community Shield
AR$ENAL 0-1 CHELSKI
Who needs money when you have whining little Belgian magicians?! Debuts for Thiago, R-Rod, Pepe and Gustavo.
Chelski MOTM: R-Rod (8.6, 0G, 0A)

Barclays Premier League
WATFORD 1-1 CHELSKI
A boring start to the BPL season, with Costa's opener cancelled out by Tevez.
Chelski MOTM: R-Rod (8.4, 0G, 1A)

CHELSKI 3-1 SOUTHAMPTON
A solid win for the Chelski boys, a brace for Spaniard/Brazilian/Portuguese/Russian Costa.
Chelski MOTM: Nemanja Matic (8.9, 0G, 1A)

WEST HAM 1-0 CHELSKI
An early red for Terry, combined with a terrible ref (20 fouls by West Ham, injuring Costa and Matic = No yellows or reds but 10 fouls from us = 2 yellows and a red?!) meant that Pepe couldn't be his normal leg-breaking self. An unlucky defeat. Also, our Lord and Master made his debut, and got an outstanding 6.2 rating for his efforts!
Chelski MOTM: Tied between R-Rod, Azpi and Thiago

CHELSKI 1-1 MAN ******
Pepe was in dominating form, and Costa was up to his bad boy antics with 6 fouls on his own! But he scored, and we were solid until City lucked their way through
Chelski MOTM: Leg Breaker (8.2, 0 fouls, 0G, 0A)


CHELSKI PLAYER OF THE MONTH:
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DIEGO COSTAAAA!!!!
Joint top scorer in the league so far, and a record breaking number of fouls made so far XD


CHELSKI TEAM OF THE MONTH

Courtois, R-Rod, Leg Breaker, Tezza, Azpi, Matic, Spanish Flair, Luiz, Magician, AFRO, Multinationalist.

Up to you to work out who is who :P​
 
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Bad start to the season for Allardyce's Sunderland

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For Sunderland fans who thought "Yes finally, a superstar has bought the club and we'll be able to spend some money", they were wrong. John Cena's newly owned club didn't spend a single penny during this transfer window and note only one departure in the name of Valentin Roberge on loan at Angers in his home country in France. In terms of results, it's not going too well either and Sam Allardyce will have to find a way to turn it around if he wants to keep his job at the Stadium of Light!

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Only one win in all competitions since the start of the season in what was a terrible month for the Black Cats. Despite a 3-2 loss in the opening game against Leicester, Sunderland did really well to grab a 3-2 win away from home against Stoke who look better than ever now with Zlatan Ibrahimovic on their side. It all went downhill from there and Sam Allardyce suffered an incredibly embarrassing defeat to Port Vale in the Capital One Cup 2nd round which is something they will want to forget.

Performance of the month

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The Black Cats took an early lead and managed to score 3 in the space of 15 minutes which got them 3 very important points to secure their first win of the season. Almost drew the game in the end as Ibrahimovic proved himself a great goalscorer but Sunderland won't be happy about their two injuries for both of their key centre-backs.

Player of the month: Yann M'Vila

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The Frenchman on loan from Rubin Kazan has been the only player who's actually done somewhat of a good job since the start of the season, managing to get a 7.38 average match rating in all 4 of Sunderland's Premier League games since the start of the season. If he is to continue on this run, Sunderland could think about potentially buying him permanently during the winter transfer window as they'll have to turn their form around way before then if Allardyce wants to keep his job.

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Sunderland owner John Cena seen leaving the Stadium of Light after Manchester United defeat
​
 
TRANSFER AND AUGUST UPDATE

TRANSFER FIREWORKS ARE FOLLOWED BY LOUSY PERFORMANCE:

There was a hint of nervousness in Norwich when the Canary sisters took over the Yellow Canaries. No footballing experience and for a lack of better words, criminals of kind, Norwich fans were afraid of what would happen to their beloved fans once the transfer window started. But surprisingly the sisters from Starling City did a brilliant job in the Transfer window. They beat big clubs to some brilliant young players and their attack looks very strong on the paper at least although it is inexperienced.

There were rumors though that Sara Lance aka White Canary aka The ex-League of Assassins member threatened that she would kill them if the players did not agree to sign which might be true seeing how each player was so nervous as they stood next to the Hot Sisters at their unveiling.

The rumors whether true or not, the transfers were brilliant.

In Came:

Gabriel Barbosa - termed as the next Neymar, he was snapped from under the watchful eyes of many heavy weight teams.

Adnan Januzaj - Fans who were angry on sale of Redmond were pleased when the Belgian joined for the season free of cost and at ZERO WAGES!

Thiago Maia - Another one of Brazil's conveyor belt talents, the young midfielder is not a proper Samba attacking midfielder and likes defense more. In the mold of Makalele, he can be a lynch pin to Norwich Midfield.

Richedly Bezoar - The partner in crime to Maia, the Ajax youth academy product is another player in the mold of Maia and they can be one of the best midfielder pairings in years to come

Jonas - The Benfica and Brazil striker joins the Canaries in their bid for Survival. A Natural goal scorer and leader Jonas will add much needed fire power upfront.

Predraj Rajkovic - The young Goalkeeper is the 4th U-20 and 5th U-21 player to join the team and yet is already good for first team. It speaks both of his obvious talents and lack there of in the Norwich team.

Daniel Caliguiri - Joins on loan from Wolfsburg and will be filling the Redmond hole.

K. Asamoah - Injured currently, the Ghana midfielder will bring experience and stability to the left wing once he is fit and raring to go.

Baba Rahman - He joins from Chelsea to shore up a weakened left side!

Out Go:

Nathan Redmond - Probably the best Norwich player, his sale allowed Norwich to sign 3 players and balance the over all team. Although it didn't make the team happy, they are set to be rewarded in future by him as well!

A. Tettey - Sold by Nell. A strange sale as the Scottish was a good utility player.

AUGUST REVIEW:

View attachment 164320It was reported that Sara Lance and Laurel Lance were seen entering the club facilities with weapons unseathed after the terrible month that was August. Screams were heard coming out long into the night and the club owners were seen leaving in the early hours of the morning along with the players who looked very scared. Manager Alex Nell also seemed worried and was seen mumbling to himself about tactics and player selections and crazy owners.

The reaction of the owners although uncalled for could be understood by the terrible month Norwich had. They failed to win a single game in the Premier League and barely scraped past Fulham in the League Cap. The lowest point was a defeat to Bournemouth at home, a match they should have easily won. The defeats against Watford and Southampton were also hard to take, especially the Watford one where the Hornets scored 4 past the hapless Canaries.

Norwich will have to start picking up soon lest their owner murder a player or the manager. Norwich are lying last in the table but all hopes are not lost yet with many teams having an average start and Norwich can catch up with a win or two if they manage them that is.

Injuries have not helped with Asamoah, Caliguiri, Jonas, Mulumbu, Olsson out injured which did not help the young players on the pitch with visibly no sort of experience on the field. It will be a very interesting September in Norwich if results don't improve!

​
 
Manchester City Transfer update and August Review

There were no transfer updates from the blue half of Manchester. Don Corleone had to visit Sicily during this time and all the transfer activities were put on hold. However, the Godfather has promised that there will be wiseguys coming in the January transfer window.


August Update
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Even before the season started, we were dealt a cruel blow in Vincent Kompany's injury. The captain is now out for a few months which is a massive loss. Hopefully others in the team can step up and hold the fort.



Citizens 2 - 3 Villa
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A very bad start to the league as Demichelis was sent off before half an hour mark. City still made a fist out of it by scoring 2 late goals courtesy of Yaya Toure. Unlucky day in front of the goal. It is still early days and other big teams will also slip later in the season.


Newcastle 1 - 2 Citizens

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This is good. First points on board with an away victory at Newcastle. Fernandinho and that man Aguero scored for City. Back four looked strong with the absence of Demichelis and Sagna was the PoM with one assist to his name.


Citizens 1 - 1 Arsenal

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Fernandinho dislocated his shoulder prior to game. A win would have been nice. However, it was an even game and a draw was a fair result. Defense was altered again and young Bossaerts got a start in this big game. Plummer also got some minutes. They did not shine, though they did not embarrass either. Good to see players from the academy stepping up. Yaya Toure scored again to take his tally to 3 goals from 3 games.


Chelsea 1 - 1 Citizens


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Another draw. This time at Stamford Bridge. Another even match ending in draw. We coped well in Aguero's absence who was out with a Flu. David Silva saved the blushes this time with an equalizer. We have been conceding early in these games and this has become a worry now.
Gael Clichy got injured and is out for a couple of weeks now.


Champion's League update


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After years of getting tough groups in Europe's elite competition, it looks like Lady luck finally smiled on the Citizens. PSV, Salzburg and Galatasaray are no whipping boys, but the group admittedly could have been a darned lot trickier. So no complains here. The target is to qualify as the group winners.
 
September Update

Premier League

Gameweek 5​

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What an effort that is from Bournemouth to hold United at home, Calum Wilson scoring the all important goal. Arsenal sneak past Aston Villa but still seem somewhat unconvincing, while there are thumping victories for Man City and Chelsea who seem to be hitting some form. Talking about form, Southampton faced off against Leicester in the battle of the overachievers, and it was the saints who came with all the points that to on loan Sergio Canales' strike. Tottenham and Liverpool played out a dull draw, while Norwich, West Ham, Stoke, Watford all picked up points.

Gameweek 6​

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Another fantastic week of Premier League action as Norwich stun Man City! Thiago Maia and Gabriel Barbosa finally living up to their potential. Southampton are also stunned by Stoke, while Leicester return to winning ways, seeing off West Ham with the increasingly impressive Shinji Okazaki on the scoresheet yet again! Liverpool, United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Tottenham all reel off seemingly easy wins.

Gameweek 7​

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More massive shocks in the league, starting with Crystal Palace easily seeing off the challenge of a poor Arsenal side, and Watford thumping Liverpool thanks to a hatrick from Carlos Tevez, who is definately earning his money! Man Utd see off Southampton easily enough, condemning them to a 2nd straight defeat, while trouble Norwich are also beaten by Everton. Yet another draw for Stoke and West Ham must be troubling their chairman and Chelsea win thanks to two Falcao goals! A big mention as well to West Brom who beat Bournemouth in a good display to climb the table!

Table​

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Manchester United ease clear at the top of the table, with Leicester leading the chase followed by an ever improving Chelsea and Tottenham. Arsenal slip to 5th following the loss to Crystal Palace with Liverpool just behind. Southampton fall to seventh as their bright start fizzles out somewhat, with Man City looking a shadow of their former selves in 8th. Swansea, Norwich and Sunderland occupy the relegation zone but each of them are just a single win from climbing out of trouble, Swansea though are the only team in the league without a win.

League Cup

Third round​

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Swansea continue their awful form by losing out to Derby in the Capital One Cup, while United need penalties to knock out Liverpool and Arsenal need extra time to beat MK Dons. Southampton easily beat Port Vale, Chelsea edge past Leicester and West Brom see off Stoke in another impressive win for the baggies.

Champions League​


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Overall a decent start to our sides Champions League campaigns but with a few hiccups along the way. Man United make the most impressive start as they beat Barcelona (Yes, Neymar scored the winning goal in a 3-2 win) to top their group, while City have also won both their straight forward matches. Arsenal lose a close match to Dynamo while Chelsea are beaten by Roma, but both are not in any sort of trouble yet!

Europa League​

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Good starts in the Europa League for Liverpool, Tottenham and Southampton, but West Ham slip up against Dnipro. Southampton thrash Legia, Tottenham put three past Sparta and Liverpool beat Lokamotiv Moscow with ease. English football is looking very healthy indeed.


Manager of the Month​
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Player of the Month​
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Young player of the Month​
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Game Save - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6YPiy4emMIHOFVKWk9sb3BHbnc/view?usp=sharing
 
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Jordan pleased with start!

First I would like to stress to the fans who were worried over our lack of signings during the transfer window. We have a young squad and we are currently bringing the likes of Eric Dier and Delle Alli into the first team fold along with new signing Son. It takes time for new players and current squad members to get to know each others style of play, too many signings would upset this.

We did, however, move to offer new 5 year contracts to the following players:
Vertonghen
Delle Alli
Eric Dier
Erik Lamela
Harry Kane


August and September have went well for us.

August
2 wins and 2 losses

September
3 wins and 1 draw

This has put us into a strong 4th place.

As we have been seeing the results improve from August to September, hopefully we can extend our 3 game winning streak in the league!

We also beat Q.P.R in the cup to move onto the next round.

Finally, we won our first Europa League game to put us in a good position to fight on all fronts.


At the moment, I have no real plans to bring in any big players in the January window but I will continue to assess the squad and the results, if we feel someone new is needed to lift the squad, I wont be afraid to spend!
​
 
Wow, great September from the Blues - shame about the loss to Roma but these things happen. Also, did I see Falcao scoring 2 goals in a game?!
 

Sit Rep: David Cameron is incandescent with rage following the latest run of results. An update will follow later, with Slaven Bilic apparently walking on the thinnest of thin ice.
 
Tough Start For Poor Baggies


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First off, we would like to welcome our new signings!

Patrice Evra - Experienced left back on loan from Italian giants Juventus
Dani Carvajal - HUGE (loan)signing from Real Madrid as the right wing back joins to add to the squad
Mour Samb - 21 year old striker with a lot of potential joins on a free transfer after leaving Liille
Steven Pienaar - Pienaar joins from Everton on a free transfer to add depth to the squad
Andrea Pirlo - The biggest signing yet! Pirlo joins our midfield for £1.5m & has made a direct impact

Capital One CUP

We kicked it off with a destruction of Blackpool after winning 4-0 & Morrison/Pirlo/Berahino/Fletcher getting their names on the score sheet. Even though he didn't get PoM, Pirlo impressed me the most with a 8.9 rating, putting out 53 passes getting a goal and an assist.

In the 3rd round of the cup we was placed against Stoke. We enjoyed a very back and fourth game with us scoring and them scoring right up until the final whistle but luckily we came out on top. Yet again! Pirlo was the stand out performer. He did get PoM this time around but also had 62 passes to his name, 1 game and 1 assist with a 9.1 rating! This guy will be our core to success this season.

Next round we have a tough game again Everton.

Premier League


Not masses to be said about the league as of yet as we have ranked up a total of 4 losses out of 7! Our defence need to be a bit more... Defensive. But that is hard to say considering we have wing back such as Evra & Carvajal. We started great with a 3-0 against Stoke but then slipped to 3 losses on a trot against Utd, Liverpool & Palace. We thought we could grab 3 points at Sunderland but they somehow managed to hold out for a point. Then another loss against Spurs where I believe we should of done a lot better against considering the stats reflect us as a better team on the day. We finally get back on winning way against Bournmouth. Berahino getting the only goal of the game adding in his 4 goals of the season so far.

Star Players


Andrea Pirlo
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You could of guessed it. Pirlo is a star player this month and hopefully a star player for the next up and coming months also. The amazing midfielder is on an average rating of 7.43 over 9 games with 73% pass rate, 1 PoM, 2 Assists and 2 goals. I'm sure he will add to his tally over the season.

Saido Berahino
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Yep, that's right. Berahino has notched up 4 goals in 8 apperances for us so far which makes it 1 goal in 2 games. If he kept up the form he is currently in that would make 19 goals over the 38 game season(I wish). He is currently wanted by big giants Man City(GOOD LUCK!). Berahino has got a 6.86 rating so far which I'm sure he will bump up into the 7's next month with more goals to his tally.​
 
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Allardyce's future at Sunderland not looking very bright

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According to reports going around England, Big Sam's future at Sunderland is not looking great. John Cena is getting tired of the Englishman's approach which is clearly not working and might look into a new manager for the club. With Sunderland's finances not being great either, it could be a bit of a gamble for the American wrestler to pay the compensation fee for Big Sam's contract but at this rate, he might just wanna take it.

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Two terribles losses against Tottenham and Crystal Palace, one of which was expected. The Crystal Palace game almost ended in a 1-0 win for the Black Cats but they conceded two goals between the 87th and 90th minute to go on and lose the game. The draw with West Brom was probably the most boring game of the season and fans coming to the Stadium of Light might just not even want to come anymore if it's for that level of entertainment. 18th after 7 games, things are not looking great for Sunderland who are reportedly now looking to get either Frank Rijkaard or Ronny Deila as a new manager.

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Performance of the month - uhhhh

View attachment 164123Player of the month - absolutely no one, whilst an American from the under-21 team got the award for the U21 Premier League...

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October Results

Premier League

Gameweek 8​

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Arsenal pull off a massive win against Chelsea in one of the many London derbys, and there is even more joy for Arsenal as West Ham pull off a shocking win at Old Trafford, trouncing Man United. Stoke hold Man City and Southampton hold Liverpool to make the battle at the top even more interesting. Everton pull off a win over Leicester and Watford continue some excellent form by beating West Brom. Everybody just keep an eye on Tottenham, picking up points under the radar and looking good, despite their lack of business.

Gameweek 9 ​

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Manchester City edge United in the Manchester derby in a result that will be sure to send shockwaves through the whole league! Arsenal and Tottenham both snap at the chance to close the gap, both picking up wins, while Liverpool, Watford, Southampton and Chelsea all triumph as well to keep the chasing pack together.

Gameweek 10​

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United are back to winning ways against Everton.. Just.. While Chelsea are held by Stoke. I appear to have cursed Tottenham somewhat as Watford edge a win with that man again, Carlos Tevez scoring the goals. Liverpool beat Man City in a thriller that leaves the blue half of Manchester in real trouble. Leicester can only draw with Newcastle which means Southampton gain ground with their win over Sunderland. Bournemouth and West Ham also pick up big wins, but Stoke also appear to be in trouble. Zlatan is scoring the goals, but where is the defence?

Gameweek 11​

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I dont think anybody actually wants the lead of the Premier League! helsea, Arsenal, Man United and Leicester all draw! meaning that Liverpool and Southampton are the big winners, picking up wins. The Southampton win in particular proves to be a massive result as Tottenham miss a massive chance to crack the top group. There are also big wins for Sunderland, Bournemouth and Man City.

Table​

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United, Arsenal and Liverpool all tie the lead of the table! with Southampton just a point further back. Just five points separate all the way down to 9th place. Who would have had Swansea at the foot of the table at the beginning of the season? they still dont have a win! Tevez leads the goalscoring charts and Kevin De Bruyne the assists.

Capital One Cup​

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An interesting set of results in the Capital One Cup, with Arsenal knocking Man City out, United edging past Tottenham and Palace knocking Southampton out.

Champions League​

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Wins all round in the Champions League! Looking good for the English clubs.

Europa League​

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Mixed success however for the clubs in the Europa League. Liverpool and Tottenham both boast perfect records, but Southampton fell slightly off the pace with a loss to Atletic, while West Ham are really struggling in Group L.
Manager of the Month​

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Player of the Month​

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Young player of the Month​

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Game Save - https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6YPiy4emMIHLWlSMkN0WmM0ZzA/view?usp=sharing
 
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Sunderland get 4 points from a possible 12 but Allardyce's position still not secure

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John Cena is slowly getting tired of Allardyce's methods and it might just be a matter of weeks before we see the Englishman depart the club. Sunderland's win against West Ham is probably the only good thing we've seen in quite a while from the Black Cats and the draw against Bournemouth is probably one of their better results this month as well as they lost 2 out of 4 games and the American wrestler is not impressed. Next month might be make or break for Sunderland as they sit in 18th place with 8 points after 11 games and will need to perform better, especially if they want to outperform the media's prediction that they would finish in 18th this season.

Performance of the month

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Their only win of the month and probably their most impressive display since their win against Stoke. Once again away from home, they did well possession-wise and chances-wise as they got the better of West Ham at the Boleyn Ground.

Player of the month - Fabio Borini

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The club's top goalscorer with 5 goals and easily the best performer this month with 3 goals in 4 games. With the overall performances of the club and the players, his performances have been nothing short of sensational (again, considering the poor performances from his teammates) and should he keep this up he might just be the man to save Sunderland from relegation at the end of the season.

 
Do you want to know how to draw a match? Buy a season ticket at Britannia Stadium now!
 
Such a great month until that final game week. If we'd beat Bournemouth, we'd be top!

Tevez is on fire!
 
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