The Joke Thread

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a PS2?
Nothing, they're both plastic and get turned on by kids

Jacko's house was raided by the Drug Squad. They found some Class A in his living room, Class B in his kitchen and Class 3C in his bedroom!
 
How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?

You have to make aeroplane noises to get your **** in her mouth
 
santa claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent blonde lady and a homeless old drunk are walking down the street and a £50 note falls onto the ground in front of them, which one gets it?

the homeless old drunk, cos the other 3 don't exist
 
A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.
The first says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"
The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a hug. The second says to him, "Have you ever been kissed?"
He shakes his head. She kisses him.
Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, "Have you ever been ******?"
"No," says the man, his eyes lighting up.
"Well, you are now, The tide's coming in."

:D
 
Hehe i've heard a similar one before but it ended up with the man being thrown in the sea or summat :D
 
It was my birthday the other day and the young lesbian couple across the road bought me a rolex. I think they must have misunderstood when I said " I wanna watch "

:D :P
 
For every week that John and Edward stay in X-Factor, another member of Boyzone dies
 
why dont you play cards in the jungle

---------- Post added at 05:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:37 PM ----------

answer: because of all the cheetahs lol
 
DRPEPPER said:
why dont you play cards in the jungle

---------- Post added at 05:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:37 PM ----------

answer: because of all the cheetahs lol
Click to expand...

?? That's **** lol
 
I was out last night and I ended up with an Older Lady at a club. She looked OK for a 57-year-old. In fact, she wasn`t too bad at all, but I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a cuddle, and she asked if I`d ever had a Sportsman`s Double.
"What`s that?" I enquired
"It`s a mother and daughter threesome," she replied.
I said, "No" - excitedly. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was "my lucky night!" but only if I wanted it to be. We went back to her place, undressed and I hopped into bed. She put on the hall light and shouted: "Mom, you still awake!"
Sometimes not scoring isn't such a bad thing.
 
heres another shocking joke
why dont you buy something in a baked bean factory?
You might get ripped off
 
the best one yet:

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God ****, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy ****, a talking muffin!"
 
Two people were in a car, one was dyslexic. The normal one said "Can you smell that? Smells like petrol." The dyslexic one said no, i can't even sMell my own name!"

---------- Post added at 06:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:54 PM ----------

necas12 said:
the best one yet:

So there's these 2 muffins in an oven.

They're both sitting, just chilling and getting baked.

And one of them yells "God ****, it's hot in here!"

And the other muffin replies "Holy ****, a talking muffin!"
Click to expand...

lol halarious
 
A guy goes into a eatery, he reads part of the sign above the counter:

Cheese sandwich: 1.50
Chicken sandwich: 2.50
Handjob: 5.00

The attractive woman behind the counter asks: "Can I help you?"
He replies: "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
She smiles seductively and answers "Yes"
So he says: "Well then wash your ******* hands cos I want a cheese sandwich"
 
jackfulham said:
I thought this was a joke thread?
Click to expand...

lol that's funny too!!

You can't talk to anyone these days! I was at the bus stop and I saw this man with no legs. I only asked how he was getting on!

---------- Post added at 06:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:58 PM ----------

Redrup said:
A guy goes into a eatery, he reads part of the sign above the counter:

Cheese sandwich: 1.50
Chicken sandwich: 2.50
Handjob: 5.00

The attractive woman behind the counter asks: "Can I help you?"
He replies: "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"
She smiles seductively and answers "Yes"
So he says: "Well then wash your ******* hands cos I want a cheese sandwich"
Click to expand...

that's also very funny
 
X Factor judge Louis has received a mysterious letter saying that for every week John and Edward stay in X Factor, a member of Boyzone will die.
 
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