The Joke Thread

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What's the similarity between a bungee jump and a prostitute ?






The're both a bit of fun, an adrenaline rush, dangerous and if the rubber breaks you're dead!
 
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I bet Adebayour didn't run the length of the bus to celebrate in front of those Gunners.
 
im moving to a new house ill give you the address later?but its a rough area fred west is the gardner, louise woodward is the babysitter, harold shipman is my new GP, garry glitter runs a play group, the mc cans run a holiday club, michael jackson runs the local zoo, saddam hussain runs the ethnic group and hitler is running the camp site BUT most worrying off all is the fact RAFA BENITEZ IS RUNNING THE FOOTBALL CLUB
 
Ashley Cole was caught doing 104mph in a 50mph zone. When questioned by police as to why he was speeding, he said "l've just heard John Terry is parked outside my house."
 
JDY said:
Ashley Cole was caught doing 104mph in a 50mph zone. When questioned by police as to why he was speeding, he said "l've just heard John Terry is parked outside my house."
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the john terry jokes are coming thick and fast via txt message now hes been sacked as skipper. the best one ive recieved being this:

John Terry has done nothing wrong, every coaching manual states that if the full back leaves a hole, then its the centre backs job to fill it.
 
What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common? They both should've stayed at Southampton.

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.
 
HarryinHD said:
What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common? They both should've stayed at Southampton.

After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.
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heskey has a wife???!
 
FourFourTwo said:
Thats the best joke on the thread. <)

I've got one.
What do you call a dear with no eyes.

No Idea.
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From the best on the thread, to quite possibly the worst....well done mate.

We may all moan and groan about football, but we all love it for one main reason....At the end of the day, football means not having to go to Sainsburys on Saturday.
 
Steven Hawkins has reportedly been taken to hospital, it has been known that his girlfriend stood him up.

Message Via Text
 
Hi, I'm Carlos Tevez and this is my new lean, mean, grilling machine. It's that good, I've put my face on it.
 
Carlos Tevez sees his baby for the first time and says "it looks nothing like me" His wife says "give me a chance, I've only just boiled the kettle!"
 
husband and wife go to church every week and husband always falls asleep during sermon. wife speaks to priest who gives her a pencil to jab him when he falls asleep. sure enough next week husband falls asleep. priest is midway thru sermon and nods at wife as he says his question. "who is the most important man in christianity?" husband wakes in pain. "jesus"! the wife is pleased but he falls asleep 2 minute later. once again the priest asks a question and wife jabs him "for what do we live our lives"? husband jolts awake in pain again. "FOR CHRISTS SAKE"! wife is pleased but husband falls asleep again. priest asks "what did eve say to adam after they had their 2nd child?". wife jabs husband hard. he wakes angrier than ever and shouts
"stick that thing in me one more time and ill snap it in half!
 
Jake said:
the john terry jokes are coming thick and fast via txt message now hes been sacked as skipper. the best one ive recieved being this:

John Terry has done nothing wrong, every coaching manual states that if the full back leaves a hole, then its the centre backs job to fill it.
Click to expand...

Although a tad late, certainly worth a facebook status ;)
 
a man is like a pack of cards- you need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to hit him over the head with and a spade to bury the poor *******!
 
whats the difference between cheryl cole and the icelandic volcano????

the volcano is still blowing ash!!!
 
I got a great joke. I heard that Fabianski is a goalkeeper at arsenal.......LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!
 
LOL LOL LOL nobody saw that coming.

Anyway, a decent joke:

# # #

This guy came up to me on the street and called me a chicken.

I didn't want any trouble, so I crossed the road.
 
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