The Joke Thread

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Old one but what the heck:

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinhio walks into B&Q and says can i buy this lawnmower for £22m...

his assistant says thats alot of money for a lawnmower

Jose says yh but ive already payed £24m for a spade!
 
Justin bieber gets hit by a waterbottle
too bad he didnt get hit by puberty
 
Last edited:
1 irishmen, 1 scottishman, 1 englishman and 1 pakistani on a plane

And the pilot says there is to much wait on the plane so 1 of you has to jump off!

The Irishman says "Ill do it for my country" so he jumps off the plane

The pilot says there is still to much weight on the plane

So the Scottishman says "Ill Do it for my country2" and jumps off the plane

The englishman and the pakistani are left on the plane....

and the pilot still says there is to much wait on the plane

So they both look at eachother ...

Then FINALLY, THE ENGLISHMAN SAYS "Ill DO IT FOR MY COUNTRY"

AND PUSHES THE PAKI OFF !!!!! CLASSIC
 
goonergun435 said:
Justin bieber gets hit by a waterbottle
too bad he didnt get hit by puberty




BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Click to expand...

That may have been remotely funny had it not been for that 'BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

---------- Post added at 07:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:56 PM ----------

**Calder95** said:
1 irishmen, 1 scottishman, 1 englishman and 1 pakistani on a plane

And the pilot says there is to much wait on the plane so 1 of you has to jump off!

The Irishman says "Ill do it for my country" so he jumps off the plane

The pilot says there is still to much weight on the plane

So the Scottishman says "Ill Do it for my country2" and jumps off the plane

The englishman and the pakistani are left on the plane....

and the pilot still says there is to much wait on the plane

So they both look at eachother ...

Then FINALLY, THE ENGLISHMAN SAYS "Ill DO IT FOR MY COUNTRY"

AND PUSHES THE PAKI OFF !!!!! CLASSIC
Click to expand...

Please, for my sake, learn to spell?
 
Gaffer said:
That may have been remotely funny had it not been for that 'BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

---------- Post added at 07:59 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:56 PM ----------



Please, for my sake, learn to spell?
Click to expand...

erm.... yh maybe i might consider it
 
A couple go in a park where they see a pair of dogs kissing.

Girl: I want to do that as well
Boy: Ok but be careful,the dog might bite. XD
 
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"
 
4 Students didn't prepare for a test. So they made a plan. They went to the Professor next morning and said - "Sir, we went to a wedding and our car tire burst. So we had to push all the way and we couldn't study."

Prof agrees and gives them 3 days time to study.

After 3 days, all the 4 were seated in different rooms. The question paper consisted of just one question:

WHICH TYRE BURST?
A. Front left
B. Front Right
C. Back Left
D. Back Right

:D
 
"Lets play rape"
"No."
"That's the spirit!"
 
Fact:
***** contains zinc and calcium, both of which are clinically proven to prevent tooth decay.

Theres something you don't see on the colgate advert

---------- Post added at 09:34 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:28 PM ----------

I just bought a box of lego and decided the first thing I would build would be the twin towers.

I emptied all the lego onto my floor then thought to myself

'that looks pretty good, I think ill build a spaceship now'
 
Q. What do you get when your cross a condom with money ?

A. Johnny Cash
 
Do you think we should start a rumour that Amy Winehouse, Vannesa Feltz, George Bush, Gordon Brown and Karen Matthews all made racist remarks about Shilpa Shetty?
 
I gave my hamster some ****** the other day,
anyway i put it in the freezer o cool off, i went back an hour later andit was sweating?!
I said why are you sweating?
He said,'Do you know how ******* hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken!'
 
Two Irishmen walking past a Police Station.

A big poster at the front reads "Two Blackmen wanted for rape!"

Paddy turns to Mick and says "Dem Fokkers always get the best jobs".
 
Why do they call camels the ships of the desert?

Because they're full of Arab seamen.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Cause I put on the wrong socks this morning
 
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