The Joke Thread

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Q. What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?
A. The NBA!
 
Neall said:
Two Irishmen walking past a Police Station.

A big poster at the front reads "Two Blackmen wanted for rape!"

Paddy turns to Mick and says "Dem Fokkers always get the best jobs".
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Its usually Cork men as their knowing to be not all their in the head ha
 
My twin sons Craig and Stuart are going to America to audition on the X factor when it starts over there.

"Hi, i'm Craig Towers, and i'm Stuart Towers... and together we're Twin Towers"

I've got a feeling they'll go down well.


Just saw that advert where an athlete in a wheelchair says, "My arms are stronger than your legs!"

Doesn't he know people can just say the exact same thing back to him?
 
I feel sorry for the McCanns.

Maddie being The Stig was their last hope.
 
I just heard the news "RAF Tornado crashes on hillside".

This is what happens when you have a **** avertising logan like, "You don't have to be a pilot to fly in the RAF".

Well apparently you ******* should be.
 
Caution - Some of these are a wee bit racist and I dont mean to offend anyone

Your mumma is so hairy .... Big Foot takes pictures of her.

Whats the difference between a maori and a possum?
Theres skid marks before the possum.

How many Jews can you fit in a car?
1001, 1 to drive and 1000 in the ashtray (Old)

Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesnt scream when its put in the oven.

A maori smashed my car windscreen the other day ... I couldve swerved but I thought **** it.

What’s black and white and rolls down a hill?
A maori and a seagull fighting over a fish head.

How many pall bearers do you need at a maori funeral?
It only takes one person to push a wheelie bin

You own a three-story house. The top floor is rented to a family of maoris, the middle floor to European New Zealanders, and the basement is used as a rumpus room. One day, there’s a massive earthquake and your entire house collapses. Who survived?
The European New Zealanders, they were at work.

How do you get ten Maoris into a mini?
Put some fish and chips in there.

How do you get them out?
Tell them they have to pay.

Why shouldn’t you throw rocks at a Maori on a bike?
Cause the bikes probably yours.

Why do flys have wings?
To beat the Maoris to the tip

A car filled with a Maori family was driving up a steep, winding mountain road. There were two in the front, and three in the back. All of a sudden the car lost control, and skidded off the side of the road, killing everyone in the car. What is the sad part of this story?
They could have fit two more in the boot

NOTE- If your wondering what a maori is they are apparently the first people to settle in my country (New Zealand) and they have a real bad rep here
 
What's black and white, and red all over?

A beaten up Penguin

not great but oh well :S
 
A car filled with a Maori family was driving up a steep, winding mountain road. There were two in the front, and three in the back. All of a sudden the car lost control, and skidded off the side of the road, killing everyone in the car. What is the sad part of this story?
They could have fit two more in the boot
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that made me cry with laughter, i took it your were a Kiwi :D Maori's are not that bad mate, surely?? Tana Umaga, Nonu, Rockocko??

And none are funny.....
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you can put anything instead of Maori's guys, Indians, Jews, Whites, Blacks, its funny, not being racist or horrible to anyone or any race :)
​
 
hitler was reading a magazine in his office, and next to him was a boy playing with the ashtray .. Hitler said : stop playing with your parents !
 
HailVikernes said:
If you live in my country and know about what they are like you'll find them funny
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I get the jokes mate, but theyre exactly the same as jokes about other cultures but you have put Mauri instead...

*edit, just seen Raikaans bit lol
 
Raikan007 said:
that made me cry with laughter, i took it your were a Kiwi :D Maori's are not that bad mate, surely?? Tana Umaga, Nonu, Rockocko??​
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None of them are maoris, they are all born in NZ but of diff heritage
Umaga - Samoan or Tongan
Rockocko- Fijian
Nonu - Samoan

EDIT - Rokocoko was born in Fiji not NZ my bad
 
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At least Liverpool can now concentrate on the Champions Lea... the Premier Leag... their families.
 
Speaking of Liverpool ^^^

What do Liverpool fans do after they win the Premier League?
Turn off their PlayStations and go to bed
 
What ship never docks at Liverpool?

The Premiership

So bad it hurts to read :S
 
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