The Joke Thread
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Shay Given
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A van driver used to amuse himself by scaring the **** out of every Glasgow Rangers fan he saw strutting down the road in his blue and white uniform. He would swerve as if to hit them, and at the last minute, swerve back onto the road. One day as he was driving along the road, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do his good deed for the day and offer the priest a lift. "Where are you going, Father?" he asked.
"I'm going to say Mass at St Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road," came the reply.
"No problem," said the driver, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road. Suddenly the driver caught site of a Hun on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the ****. Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, however, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Rangers Supporter walking down the road there."
"That's okay," replied the priest, "I got the ****** with the door!!"
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A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Rangers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Rangers fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Rangers fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Rangers fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Celtic fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Celtic fan?"
"Because my mum is a Celtic fan, and my dad is a Celtic fan, so I'm a Celtic fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Celtic fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary smiled, "Then I'd be a Rangers fan."
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"I'm going to say Mass at St Joseph's church, about 2 miles down the road," came the reply.
"No problem," said the driver, "Jump in and I'll give you a lift."
The happy priest climbed into the van and they set off down the road. Suddenly the driver caught site of a Hun on the pavement, and instinctively swerved as if to hit him, but just in time, remembering the priest in his van, swerved back to the road again, narrowly missing the ****. Although he was certain that he didn't hit him, however, he still heard a loud "Thud". Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors, and, seeing nothing, said to the priest, "Sorry Father, I almost hit that Rangers Supporter walking down the road there."
"That's okay," replied the priest, "I got the ****** with the door!!"
________________________________________________________________
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Rangers fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Rangers fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?"
"Because I'm not a Rangers fan," she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Rangers fan, then who are you a fan of?"
"I am a Celtic fan, and proud of it," Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears.
"Mary, why, pray tell, are you a Celtic fan?"
"Because my mum is a Celtic fan, and my dad is a Celtic fan, so I'm a Celtic fan too!"
"Well," said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Celtic fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?"
"Then," Mary smiled, "Then I'd be a Rangers fan."
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goonergun435
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My frend told me this
Why do paki`s wear white gloves when they eat chocolate
so they dont eat their fingers
Why do paki`s wear white gloves when they eat chocolate
so they dont eat their fingers
Shay Given
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Santa Clause: I'm sick of putting this red suit on every year and getting nothing in return!
Elf: Now you know how Steven Gerrard feels.
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FIFA blames Panorama for 2018 World Cup bid failure.
FIFA says: "England crossed the line."
Ohhh, you ******* noticed that one this time did you?
Elf: Now you know how Steven Gerrard feels.
---
FIFA blames Panorama for 2018 World Cup bid failure.
FIFA says: "England crossed the line."
Ohhh, you ******* noticed that one this time did you?
BBC News: Lady Gaga drops Facebook for charity.
She should also think about dropping her knickers, for clarity.
---------- Post added at 12:29 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:26 AM ----------
Failed my Politics exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world".
Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer.
She should also think about dropping her knickers, for clarity.
---------- Post added at 12:29 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:26 AM ----------
Failed my Politics exam. The question was "Describe the role that India plays in the modern world".
Apparently "Tech Support" is not the correct answer.
Been posted twice already lol
Meh, I was not going through this lot again.
T
TheMjt
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Pretty sure that was on the last page
One for you Dunc....
I'm fully in support of the facebook campaign to change your profile photo to a cartoon character in support of the NSPCC.
Mainly because it means that between now and monday i can add as many sexy little kids as i like and they won't question why my profile photo isn't a picture of me.
I'm fully in support of the facebook campaign to change your profile photo to a cartoon character in support of the NSPCC.
Mainly because it means that between now and monday i can add as many sexy little kids as i like and they won't question why my profile photo isn't a picture of me.
goonergun435
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Why is the taj mahal a wonder?
Its the only normal place in india
Its the only normal place in india