The Joke Thread

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CONDOM RAP !

Love is the name where ******* is the game....

Guys get the pleasure when girls get the pain...

He says he loves you & you believe its true...

Until ur belly starts to swell & he says **** with u....

10 minutes of pleasure
and 9 months of pain....

3 days in hospital
and a child without a name...

The baby's a *******,
The mother is a *****....

This never wud have happened...
If d rubber had'nt tore...!! ;)
 
;)

My sexy secretary bent over at the office today, so I pulled down her panties and tried to start ******* her, but she screamed and ran away.

I was very confused and pondered the situation for a long time.

I've come to the conclusion that real life must be different to **** movies.
 
Barbie has an awful lot of nice things for a girl whose knees don't bend.

--

Condom ad: If you're not 100% satisfied with our product, Happy Father's Day!

--

Once your pants catch on fire, the fact you're lying becomes less important.

--

My mum asked "what are you doing?" I said "Nothing.." she replied "You did that yesterday!" I looked her dead in the eye and said "I wasn't finished."

--

Definition of a mixed feeling: Your mother backing your brand new car off a cliff.
 
a guy tries to break the record of having the largest head in the world and comes out saying ' i really do have the biggest head in the world,' a second guy goes in and says ' ive got the biggest hand in the world,'' he comes out saying 'i really do have the biggest hand in the world' third guy goes in and says ' ive got the smallest ***** in the world'' and he comes out and angrily says ' who the **** is justin bieber!'
 
What's the difference between Nick Clegg and Santa Claus ?

It's okay to believe in Santa.
 
Andrew Strauss has just gone for 69. I think he should concentrate on playing cricket first!
 
DMF said:
Andrew Strauss has just gone for 69. I think he should concentrate on playing cricket first!
Click to expand...

Oh Dan... Deary me. I thought you were better than that ;)
 
Alex said:
Oh Dan... Deary me. I thought you were better than that ;)
Click to expand...

Some guy on my Facebook posteed it up.. made me chuckle.

Maybe it's because it's late and I'm half asleep....
 
DMF said:
Some guy on my Facebook posteed it up.. made me chuckle.

Maybe it's because it's late and I'm half asleep....
Click to expand...

Yeah we'll go with that.

Although I laughed at it because it was that bad. I'm sure that's why you did as well...
 
Blonde - Hey look, they're selling a computer for $4
Brunette - What?
Blonde - Yeah, look over there!
Brunette - What are you saying? This is McDonalds, they don't sell computers!
Blonde - But its written there - Big Mac $4
 
Derp

I took my car to a charity car wash which was raising money for handicapped children.

It was a lot better than a regular car wash. They actually licked my car clean

---------- Post added at 01:06 AM ---------- Previous post was yesterday at 04:24 AM ----------

A policeman saw me urinating in the street whilst I was in Italy last week.

He said to me, "That's a fine".

So I carried on and said, "Cheers mate".
 
Just Saw A Goat With A Human Chin. I Thought He Must Be Growing A Blokey!
 
If God were a vehicle, he'd be an ice cream van.

It brings joy to those that find it, but people who closely follow it are paedophiles.

-- Sicki
 
This isn't really a joke, I didn't think it warranted a thread but I found it amusing nonetheless.

How do you link Bristol Rovers F.C, Shrewsbury Town F.C and lots and lots of Weetabix ?

The story behind the Weetabix appearing when ever Rovers play Shrewsbury started a few seasons ago before a league match at Gay Meadow. A few Gasheads got together and raised some money for the trip up to Shrewsbury. They hired a coach for the day after which about £300 was left in the kitty. So it was decided to go to the pub before the game where £200 was stuck behind the bar to pay for drinks. After a while, a few Gasheads started feeling hungry but unfortunately the pub didn't serve food. The landlord then told them there was a supermarket near by for them to get food and that he wouldn't mind them eating it in the pub. A lonesome Gashead was then dispatched to fetch the grub with £75 after taking out the £25 owed to the coach driver. At the time this Gashead was slightly the worse for drink and returned to the pub armed with £75 worth of Weetabix.

The following day, they took all of their stuff into the ground, and noticed some birds on the pitch. Being the kind souls that they are, they decided to feed them all of their Weetabix. By the time they had finished throwing them liberally around the terraces, the penalty area in front of the away section had turned from green to brown.

A few years later Rovers played Shrewsbury again and the same group were seen wearing T-shirts saying 'Weetabix Invasion Of Gay Meadow' and of course throwing plenty of Weetabix around. Unfortunately, whenever Rovers now play Shrewsbury the police are instructed to confiscate all forms of breakfast cereal at the game.

The highlighted text cracked me up :P
 
A football team crashes its plane on the middle of the dessert. Only eleven survivors make it and start walking till they find a camel.

All of them get on the camel, and the poor animal starts crying after just 1 km. The one sitting on the camel´s head says to the guy behind - "the camel is crying!", the second guy tells the same to the 3rd. And so on. Until the 10th tells it to the last. And the last replies.

"If I take it out, I FALL, dude!"
 
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