The Joke Thread

I think I posted this a while ago, but it seems more true than ever right now..

What ship never docks at Liverpool?

The Premiership.
 
RyanoLFC said:
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

---------- Post added at 05:27 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:26 PM ----------

Whoops, didnt see it posted above!
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StuW said:
vader-fail.jpg
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My ******* neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 this morning can you believe that?! 2.30am!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.
 
ITV News Reporter: '2,000,000 japanese people left without water'

I dont think they've looked hard enough.
 
Last edited:
A man walks into the bar and says to the barman
'Can I have anything apart from Stella'
Bar man replies 'Whats wrong with Stella?'
Man replies 'I had 12 of them last night I and was ******* Skint'
Barman says 'Other beers cost around the same though'
Man replies 'Skint's my dogs name'
 
RyanoLFC said:
I just rung my Japanese friend to make sure he was okay after the Tsunami and all he did was go on about his social life.

Just kept going on and on about a huge rave.
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Please dont joke about things like that.
 
pokiuki123 said:
Please dont joke about things like that.
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Redrup said:
Half of the jokes out there are about tragedies, diseases and racial & gender stereotypes, therefore they belong in this thread.

I'm sorry if you people are easily offended, but distasteful jokes are and will always be allowed in this thread with spoiler tags.

That is all.
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How many City fans does it take to change a light bulb?

None - Their all happy living in United's shadow
 
I don't think its appropriate to make jokes after this tragedy. I know its hard to feel sorry or sympathy cos they're foreigners, but we have to remember they lost everything in almost an instant. They've been left with nothing.... Still there's always next season for Arsenal.

All Credit must go to DMF.
 
BBC News: Kenya offers condolences to Japan

Trust the Africans to get friendly when water is involved.
 
First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door.
Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
 
well, theres a joke in my country, based on WW2, it goes something like this:
****** like yellow ( it refers on USA, Japan and A-bombs). Now, this frase got another dimension XD
Im deeply sorry for that tragedy.
 
My son broke his Apple computer today and had the audacity to ask me to buy him a new one.

I said, "Apples don't grow on ******* trees you know!"

---------- Post added at 02:47 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:36 AM ----------

In bad taste but not necessarily rude

My Japanese Pen-pal was asking how everything was going...

I guess "swimmingly" was a bad choice of words
 
BBC SPORT: Japan confirm planned football matches to go ahead.

BBC SPORT SCOTLAND: Inverness match against Celtic postponed due to waterlogged pitch.
 
Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
 
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