The Joke Thread

Apparently 1 in 20 of us live next door to a pedophile. Not me though, I live next door to a stunning pair of seven year olds."
 
Boy: Can I have a ****?
Girl: No!
Boy: Wait! I don't think you heard me correctly...
Girl: Oh, I think I did...
Boy: Fine then, what did I say?
Girl: "Can I have a ****?"

And that, Your Honour, is why it wasn't rape
 
Sam said:
Boy: Can I have a ****?
Girl: No!
Boy: Wait! I don't think you heard me correctly...
Girl: Oh, I think I did...
Boy: Fine then, what did I say?
Girl: "Can I have a ****?"

And that, Your Honour, is why it wasn't rape
Click to expand...
already been said Sammy booi :)
 
Saw a cracking bird in a bar last night, little out of my league, but I was feeling confident.

I went up to her and said;
"If I asked you to have *** with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
 
Niall said:
Saw a cracking bird in a bar last night, little out of my league, but I was feeling confident.

I went up to her and said;
"If I asked you to have *** with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
Click to expand...

That confuses me but I got it in the end.
 
Niall said:
Saw a cracking bird in a bar last night, little out of my league, but I was feeling confident.

I went up to her and said;
"If I asked you to have *** with me, would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"
Click to expand...

Thanks for the tip brah. Totally using that.
 
The two biggest regrets of my life.

1. The amount of times I have ****** Up.

2. Naming my dog Up.
 
I've been saving up for quite some time for a *** change.

I don't care what the wife says; she's going to have it.
 
I see on the news that a French fighter jet has brought down a Libyan fighter jet.
That must have been one powerful distress flare.
 
"Why do you pay our son £2 for emptying the bins, cutting the grass, walking the dog, doing the pots and keeping his room tidy," said my wife, "while you give our daughter £30 for just washing the car?"

"Does he wear a little bikini?" I replied.

---------- Post added at 03:23 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:22 AM ----------

So Katie Price is talking about marrying her new boyfriend?

At this rate Harvey Price will have had more dads then he does chromosomes.
 
On a recent trip to Alton Towers, I went on the scariest ride of my life.

The coach driver was a woman.

---------- Post added at 03:35 AM ---------- Previous post was at 03:31 AM ----------

I needed a **** but couldn't make it to the toilet, so I did it in the cat litter.

It took poor Tiddles an hour to clean it off her kittens
 
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