The Joke Thread

[CJ]

Whats worse then Liverpool losing to Blackpool in their worst ever season?

Tottenham losing to Blackpool in their best ever season.

Thats poor.

P.S. This has been nowhere near our best ever season.

 

[CtPauley]

Breaking News - New Dust Cloud outbreak. Planes grounded & cancelled. Apparently caused by opening of the Manchester City Trophy Cabinet!

 

[CJACKO11]

There once was a girl named maddie she had such an irresponsible daddy snatched from her bed she's probally dead raped by a portugese baddy.

 

[StuW]

Current FB status -

Decided to burn some calories today...I set a fat kid on fire.

---------- Post added 19/05/2011 at 12:40 AM ---------- Previous post was 18/05/2011 at 10:56 PM ----------

What is fat, ginger and pregnant?

Nothing

---------- Post added at 12:53 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:40 AM ----------

There once was a girl named maddie she had such an irresponsible daddy snatched from her bed she's probally dead raped by a portugese baddy.

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[LP94]

It was deep into injury time. I managed to get in the way of a Lampard pass and the ball bounced to Giggs. He gave it to Nani, who crossed it in for Rooney to volley home the winning goal. The emotion took over me. I stripped off my shirt, ran towards the crowd and dived in to celebrate with the fans.As I crawled back out and put my shirt back on, I knew I'd be in trouble.

I'd forgotten to blow my whistle.

 

[Giggles]

Just got my Olympic Ticket Application Back.

Its a shame I didn't get tickets for the Mens 800m, but I got 25,000 tickets for West Ham V Doncaster! <)

 

[Mads2506]

Roses are red


Violets are blue


In soviet russia


POEM WRITES YOU!

 

[Sam]

Sam trying to insult Dunc every 15 minutes...

Lol our hatred goes way back

 

[sass101]

Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that even though he's happy in Manchester he does Miss Wales occasionally.

The best joke I've read from Sickipedia in a while

 

[Raikan007]

Chelsea

 

[fonesters]

How do you confuse a Man Utd fan?
Show them a map of Manchester

 

[LP94]

The Reverend John Flapps spots a female member of his congregation staggering drunkenly along the street.
He tries to assist her but they stumble and he falls on top of her.
A passing policeman comes up and says "Oi mate, you can't do that in the street".
The rev replies, "You don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps".
To which the cop replies "Well, if you're in that far, you may as well finish".

 

[W4FC B3N]

Not a joke as such but still funny; My dad's mate was having trouble with moles on a plot of land that he owns and when he was telling his wife about it she replied, "Well why don't you just keep the gate shut then?" *****!!!

 

[Chokopop]

What's green and has wheels?

Grass, i lied about the wheels. LOL!

 

[W4FC B3N]

What weighs about 500kg and would kill you if it fell on you from a tree?

A Piano... XD

Anti-jokes are the best lol.

 

[Jak]

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!

 

[Chokopop]

Racist joke incoming!

Spoiler

If Whites and blacks had a war, what would it be called?
KKK vs KFC!

How do you know Noah was a White man?
No ****** could stay on a boat for 40 days without eating the chickens!

Sorry guys ^^

 

[Sam]

What's green and has wheels?

Grass, i lied about the wheels. LOL!

What weighs about 500kg and would kill you if it fell on you from a tree?

A Piano... XD

Anti-jokes are the best lol.

You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish!

Go Die.

 

[Chokopop]

Go Die.

We love you too Sam

 

[Sam]

We love you too Sam

That was funnier than the original joke... <)