The Joke Thread

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Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

Your friend is so gay, he has consensual *** with other men. and enjoys it.

Why did the black man buy 3 boxes of condoms?
Because he practices safe *** and they were on sale.
 
hiphopahol101 said:
Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

Your friend is so gay, he has consensual *** with other men. and enjoys it.

Why did the black man buy 3 boxes of condoms?
Because he practices safe *** and they were on sale.
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Why couldn't the black man find a job?
Because the unemployment rate in his city was incredible high and he lacked any real qualifications

What do you call an arab flying a plane?
a pilot
 
It's been embarrassing watching those ten excuses for "talent" on ITV.

I thought Jack Wilshere had a good game though.
 
I went out and bought FIFA the other day.
It's great being the president of Qatar.

Stole this off Sickipedia, like Mike did with his :P
 
Mads2506 said:
I went out and bought FIFA the other day.
It's great being the president of Qatar.

Stole this off Sickipedia, like Mike did with his :P
Click to expand...

Lol, everyone does, it'll be easier if we had a live Sickipedia feed rather than a joke thread (A)
 
My neighbour stole my wall recently, I was going to call the police, but i thought he might take a fence!
 
Im off to Ethiopia to film a new TV show where everything is gambled on a bag of rice....

It's called 'Meal or no Meal'...

---------- Post added at 05:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:45 PM ----------

I was ******** my girlfriend last night when suddenly she asked "Does it not bother you that im only 13?"

"Nah i replied"

"I've never been superstitous"

---------- Post added at 05:52 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:50 PM ----------

Whats all this about a killer vegetable?

Has Harvey finally gone on the rampage?
 
The fact that the Twilight Saga scooped 5 gongs at the MTV movie awards. Obviously as voted for by pre-buscent teenage girlies and middle aged married housewives
 
Played golf with my wife today, she finished six under. That will teach her to beat me.
 
A husband and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
A husband, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."
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A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Click to expand...

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
Click to expand...

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
Click to expand...
I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face.
I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."
Click to expand...
 
A man pulls wife into bedroom and rips off her clothes. "Please darling, do a handstand against the full length mirror on the wall". "Hmmm," she thinks. "Kinky... I like it.".She does the handstand and her hubby pulls her legs apart and puts his chin on her privates. "The boys down the pub are right," he says, "I would suit a goatee!"
 
My wife and I really weren't expecting a baby, and then BAM!...


One smacks right into the windscreen.

XD XD XD
 
Boy asks his mum, "is it wrong to have a *****?"
"No,why?" she asks.
"Well, Dad's sweating like f*** in the bathroom trying to pull his off!"
 
How Scottish people reproduce:

Girl: Wantey get aff wae ma pal ?
Boy: Aye.
End of story.

I'm not one to blow my own trumpet, mainly because I'm not some **** who walks around all day blowing a trumpet.
 
My friend told me yesterday that I didn't understand irony, which was ironic because we were on a bus at the time.
 
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