The Joke Thread

[Jak]

My joke was genius

 

[Mike]

A salesman offered to sell me a high-powered hoover this morning. I refused to buy it as I already had one.

After much disagreement, he lobbed a bucket of **** all over my carpet.

"I'm so confident in this hoover that, if it fails to clear the faeces, I'll eat it up myself."

I replied, "I hope you're hungry - our electricity was cut this morning."

----

In Patisserie competitions, careless bakers often go in with all buns glazing.

 

[bijak]

one kilogram of iron block and one kilogram of cotton fell on your feet,
which one hurts?

Spoiler

YOUR FEET!!!!!

 

[Jak]

**** joke round 2:
I just took my calculator apart..... It's what's inside that counts

 

[W4FC B3N]

Aparrently Giggs' wife has left him taking half of everything .....she now has 6 more Premier league medals than the Liverpool squad.

 

[Raikan007]

Liverpool

 

[Jak]

**** joke round 3:
What's the difference between a Jailer and a watch salesman?


One watches cells while the other sells watches

 

[I3east]

**** joke round 3:
What's the difference between a Jailer and a watch salesman?


One watches cells while the other sells watches

I'll get your coat.

 

[Jak]

I'll get your coat.

I think it's quite clever

 

[Luke]

Reports have emerged that Barca fans sneaked into Old Trafford last night and unfurled a '19 times' banner, in reference to the amount of time Man United touched the ball in the Champions League final.

 

[ajt09]

i love make up ***.......
theres something about looking really pretty whilst banging my chick that makes me feel special

 

[The Bath Manager]

My girlfriend says she leaving me because of my obsession with the The Temptations.

....or is it Just My Imagination?

 

[Ride The Walrus]

Liverpool

Hahaha, original ¬_¬'

 

[Chokopop]

Spoiler

Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Class xD

---------- Post added at 11:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:03 PM ----------

Spoiler

Rape is such an ugly word....
that's why I prefer to call it a "struggle cuddle"

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent............ 12 Calories
Without her consent........ 187 Calories

Hahah XD

 

[Shay Given]

I went out and bought FIFA the other day.

Spoiler

It's great being the president of Qatar.

 

[bijak]

"I read in the newspaper smoking can damage my health, I stop smoking.
I read in the newspaper consuming drugs can damage my health, I stop consuming drugs.
I read in the newspaper *** can damage my health, I stop reading newspaper!"

 

[Jak]

They say you are what you eat. I therefore conclude that David Cameron loves going down on his wife.

 

[W4FC B3N]

I think my Girlfriend has gone mental.. I asked her what she was reading the other day and she just ignored me and said "Hello Magazine".
---------
It's all ***** and giggles until someone giggles and *****.
---------
Emile Heskey is rumoured to be signing for Leicester City for £500,000.. £1,000,000 more than he's worth.

XD

 

[Platinum]

How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
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A piece of bacon and a sausage are in a frying pan being cooked. The sausage says, 'it's hot in here isn't it!' and the bacon replys, 'wow! a talking sausage!'
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man rushes into his house and yells at his wife 'Brenda, pack ya things. I've just won the lottery,'
Brenda replies, 'shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
'I don't care,' says the man, 'just as long as you're out of the house by noon,'

 

[Shay Given]

FIFA is a corrupt establishment. For international football to survive this whole ordeal, I think Pro Evolution should be put in charge