The Joke Thread

10 Reasons why Jordi Gomez is better than Lionel Messi;

1. Jordi is not an Argie 2. Jordi takes better free kicks
3. Jordi isn't a greedy get
4. Jordi has a fitter bird (probably)
5. Jordi is taller

6. Lionel is a stupid name, last seen being used by some dancing bloke on Give Us a Clue. Jordi sounds like George, which is regal
7. Lionel Messi has never scored a free kick against Wolves
8. Wigan Athletic have never tried to sign Lionel Messi, in fact no English club has ever tried to sign him and therefore Messi has never played in the BEST LEAGUE IN THE WORLD
9. A straw poll of (two) Wigan birds confirmed that Jordi is more desirable than Leo
10. Lionel has never been voted into the prestigious ‘Championship team of the year’ like Jordi Gomez
 
W4FC B3N said:
10 Reasons why Jordi Gomez is better than Lionel Messi;

1. Jordi is not an Argie 2. Jordi takes better free kicks
3. Jordi isn't a greedy get
4. Jordi has a fitter bird (probably)
5. Jordi is taller

6. Lionel is a stupid name, last seen being used by some dancing bloke on Give Us a Clue. Jordi sounds like George, which is regal
7. Lionel Messi has never scored a free kick against Wolves
8. Wigan Athletic have never tried to sign Lionel Messi, in fact no English club has ever tried to sign him and therefore Messi has never played in the BEST LEAGUE IN THE WORLD
9. A straw poll of (two) Wigan birds confirmed that Jordi is more desirable than Leo
10. Lionel has never been voted into the prestigious ‘Championship team of the year’ like Jordi Gomez
Click to expand...

Only one disagreement there...heres messis girl:
6C5SII5D00DE0005.jpg


Good Joke though :)
 
Religion: Giving people hope in a world torn apart by religion
 
A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"
A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?"
The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband.
"What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
 
I see Liverpool are bidding for Sunderland's Jordan Henderson.
Apparently the Merseyside club have bid £13million + David N'Gog, although Sunderland are trying to negotiate for £12m straight cash.
 
Emile Heskey (England) 59 caps, 7 goals.

Rene Higuita (Colombia) 68 caps, 8 goals.

Jose Luis Chilavert (Paraguay) 74 caps, 8 goals.

Unlucky Emile, the other two are goalkeepers...
 
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Passer-by: Morning!
Guy: Nah,just having a ****
 
What's long, sleek, hard and makes women SCREAM when you thrust it into them?

A big, ******* knife!
 
My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes.
I asked her, "What can I do to stop my addiction?"
She said, "Whatever means necessary."
"No it doesn't," I said.
 
Working in a restaurant, I get ****** off when somebody orders their food then comes back 3 minutes later to tell me they forgot to order something for their daughter.

I mean, honestly, who goes out to a restaurant and forgets about one of the children?
 
What do you call a cow that won't give milk? A milk dud!

A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?" The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

A hamburger walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

Why aren't BBQ's on the roof? The steaks are too high.

Why did the daddy centipede beat up his son? He asked for new shoes

I was in the pub with my black friend Dave, and in walks a midget, he looks at me, and then Dave, and starts ranting: '****** black people, ruining this country!'
That was a little racist.
 
My friend told me its so sad to see Giggs go down with such a bang..(just when his career's almost up)...
I told him:
- He's going down, BECAUSE he was going down on too many people..other than his wife..
- He's going down with a bang BECAUSE of a few 'bangs' too many....

I guess the moral of the story is...I'm not very good at puns..
 
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Alex McLeish quit over transfers. Carson Yeung said to him "Wa yu wan faw playas in suma Awex?", McLeish replied "6 defenders". Yeung came back with Marlon King. "I said 6 defenders, not *** offenders".
 
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"Sorry, did you say hide?" she replied.
"Yes, that's right," I said, "and quickly - the batteries in the remote are flat, and my wife is walking down the stairs."
 
Stephen Hawking has admitted that, if in great pain, he may consider assisted suicide.

Or "Task Manager", as he calls it.
_____________________________________________________________
Gerrard: "Liverpool is a magical place."

Probably explains why so much stuff disappears there...
 
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