The Joke Thread

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StuW said:
New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15

Tub of Vaseline: £3

XL Box of Tissues: £2

The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless

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Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.
Click to expand...

This I have to try, just for a good laugh!
 
It may not be all doom and gloom for Steve Bruce having been sacked on the last day of November, he can turn a fresh sheet in a new month because all over England, they're recruiting fat twats who are experienced in wearing red and white.
 
I wouldn't 1-2 to be a Manchester United fan at the moment, let me make that Crystal clear to you


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BBC news : Steve Bruce sacked as Sunderland manager.
Coleen Rooney is bookies favourite to take over as she is used to cleaning up the mess a fat **** with a big head has left behind.
 
Bloke in the street asked me if i wanted to buy the big issue?

I asked him if i could tell him a joke first?

he agreed!

Me " knock knock?"

Big Issue vender "who's there?"

Me " i thought you were ******* homeless?"
 
Which circus performers can see in the dark?
acro-bats.
 
I felt **** this morning.

The toilet paper ripped.
 
United is Red,
City are blue
They both outspend Arsenal
But Arsenal got through
 
What's the best thing about licking a bald *****?
The look on the wife's face when she's seen I shaved her cat..
 
929732_700b.jpg
 
If life gives you Melons...

You might be dyslexic

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What do you call a Spanish man who had his car stolen?

Carlos

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Oral *** makes your day

**** *** makes your hole weak

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What do you call a lesbian eskimo?

A Klondyke

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Why did the condom fly across the room?

Because it was ****** off
 
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why is this thread not sticky-ed.
anyway here is one to share. really amusing (and ironic too XD )


Heskey to your success. ;)


*think out side of the box for this one ;)
a clue is given here
 
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Lol_101 said:
why is this thread not sticky-ed.
anyway here is one to share. really amusing (and ironic too XD )


Heskey to your success. ;)


*think out side of the box for this one ;)
a clue is given here
Click to expand...

He's Key to your success ...

Its **** but in the Xmas mood, heres a classic cracker joke

Where do Santa's helpers go when they are ill?
To the Elf Center (say it with a London accent, it'll make sense.)
 
Another fantastic xmas joke from the wonder joke teller myself:

How do you start a polar bear race?

Ready, teddy, go! :D
 
Merry Christmas people. and since since it also newtons brithday today, here one for the lols XD

Why is Justin bieber a bad singer ?

because of gravity ;)
 
Yesterday I was in the queue for a half time pasty at Rovers, and I heard two guys discussing the Human Centipede 2...

"In the new movie the sicko actually ties the "centipede" up in a circle".
His friend replied "What, so it's like a never ending circle of ****? Bit like being a rovers fan!"

Made me laugh anyway!
 
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