Press Conference at Stade Vélodrome
*Reporter comes to the tv screen*
Reporter: We have come to a piece of information that
OM new possibly proud owner is going to give his first interview to the public. He should be out any second now.
*30 minutes passes. Still no sign of new owner. Another 5 minutes passes and reporters are beginning to leave.*
*New owner comes stumbling onto the stage with alcohol bottles in both hands and a cigar in his mouth.*
New owner: Well, hello there beautiful. *looks towards a female reporter* So, wacha doing tonight? Eh? *Moving eyebrows up and down, repeatedly*
Female reporter: Oh f*ck you, you sexist *******.
New owner: *shouts at the female reporter as she is leaving* Oh, come on, that's no way to treat a gentleman. Alright let's get this sh*t started. Questions?
Reporter: What's your name? What to you do for living and where did you get the money to buy
Olympique de Marseille?
New owner: Woah!! Where did that come from? So many god **** questions at once. My name then, what is my name? My name should be Allan Pikkpoiss, I'm the son of Thor!! Ah, just kidding, I'm the son of Bill f*cking Gates. For living I do your MOM. Hahaahaaahahahaa. Got you now, didn't I, hahaha. Money I got from my papa. He died so he gave all the money to me. Don't know how he died, but I can assure you that I did NOT kill him, *very silently says*
maybe. Any more questions?
Reporter: Yes, Wha..
*Pikkpoiss stumbles off the stage. His both bottles break and cigar falls out of his mouth*
Pikkpoiss: Who took my god **** cigar. Did you take it? Did you f*cking take my cigar?
Scared reporter: N-no sir, it's right th-there on the gro-ground.
Pikkpoiss: Oh, you're right. It is there. You should go see a doctor about that stutter. I used beat kids who stuttered.
Reporter: What are your intentions with the club? Have you made any transfers?
Pikkpoiss: The f*ck you think my intentions are with this club, eh? It's none of your business dude! We have signed these players.
*Takes pictures out of his pocket and starts showing them to the reporters*
Pikkpoiss: So in the first pic there is some german kid I think, Stegen or something like that. Heard that he was quite flexible in bed from my lady friend, so why not sign him as a goalkeeper. If you don't know who the second one is you can go ahead and chop your ***** off. Brought him in to have a great striker plus I needed to make my club more awesome. Third one is from France. His name should be Kurt. Did you know that 'kurt' in estonian means 'deaf' and since we are on this subject already, then did you also know that 'kaka' in estonian means '****'. Also in estonia it's quite a big deal that one time Sander Puri took ball away from Kaka, the brazilian attacking midfielder, one of the best in the game. 4th one is some kid from brazil. Nemar ia his name. And the last one is Humam Tariq. Longed haired ****.
*Pikkpoiss waives goodbye to the reporters. He starts walking away, when he passes out and ambulance is calle for him*
Reporter: Well there you have it french guys living in Marseille. The new owner of your beloved club is a DRUNK!
