The Football Managing Mercenary

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Thanks 1magine, I want the Cup so much! Me too, its certainly been great progress!​

Cheers Nick, Goldaniga has proven to be a great addition to the back line. Thanks again!

February 2022

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1st February 2022
Premier League
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February kicks off in much the same fashion as January with a narrow one goal victory seeing off Europa League chasing West Ham. A second goal from our newly acquired Swiss international continues to build the hope that he could soon erase the memories of our departed Belgian wonderkid, Dequevy and with two goals and six points already under his belt its safe to say he's doing a solid job.


6th February 2022
Premier League
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I would love to tell you that as a man motivated entirely by money that I do not begrudge clubs that turn me down or send me packing. I however am not. Vengeance is sweet. Having opted to appoint the apparently rapidly falling Zinedine Zidane instead of myself it fell to my Swiss finisher, Paz to ensure I would leave Vicarage Road with my pride back intact and another three points to go with it.


13th February 2022
Premier League
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Cardiff are doomed. The club seems rooted to the foot of the table having amassed a sorry ten points at this stage of the season. Having witnessed my own beloved Rams achieve a similar feat, I could feel their pain but a comfortable three goal victory certainly erased any feelings of sympathy. We're on a roll now.


20th February 2022
FA Cup - 5th Round
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With the club in scarily good form in the league I was hopeful of putting the boot into my former club Leicester before a red card just before the half-time whistle ended any hopes of a thumping victory at St James's Park. Non the less the boys proved their willingness to fight for their cup status, as the ten men forced a replay next month.


26th February 2022
Premier League
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The winning streak is over but it was hardly unexpected. Manchester United loomed at the end of the month as the club charged gleefully through January and February before running head first into Roberto Martinez's impressive Red Devils. An own goal within just ten minutes proved to be the only break through as despite the loss we still manage to impress at Old Trafford.


February 2022
Premier League
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We're away! And not just narrowly out but a full on leap up the table into an astounding fourteenth place. As it turns out the rest of the league has apparently flopped following our recent turn around in fortunes, allowing the gleeful Magpies to soar up the table and pushing those relegation nightmares well out of their minds. Is it too late for a push into Europe?

​
 

March 2022

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1st March 2022
FA Cup - 5th Round Replay
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Another cup dream dies as we fail to make the most of our fortunate replay back at the King Power Stadium. Having beaten the Foxes once already this season I was hoping that I might just be about to get one over my former club but the East Midland's side go on to take the spoils as they condemn me to another barren season without silverware.


6th March 2022
Premier League
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With just the league now to concentrate on, I was confident that given our current form we would go on to builkd on our unexpected lofty position in the table but an Origi inspired Queens Park Rangers, took advantage of a horror challenge from young Martin Lukas to claim the victory despite a last minute goal from youth product, Lee Morris.


13th March 2022
Premier League
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its proving to be a rather bizarre year as we bounce back from defeat with a surprising victory over European chasing Liverpool. The Reds seemed to be well short of their usual selves despite a quick fire opening goal. Our exciting Serbian Kosutic opened the scoring, with our inexperienced striker Paz, still keeping his head above the water with another goal for his slowly growing tally.


26th March 2022
Premier League
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Having been one of only two teams we could actually beat in the first half of the season, I was understandably expecting another repeat performance against the Saints but with a Serbian future star of their own now leading from the front, they soon made amends for their earlier humiliation.


March 2022
Premier League
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And we're back into trouble.
The League is proving to be scarily close at the bottom with no fewer then seven teams all fighting it out to try and avoid a spot with Cardiff in the Championship for next season. Suddenly that deceptively comfy spot in fourteenth place seems a world away.

​
 

April 2022​

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3rd April 2022
Premier League
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When Kosutic fired us into the lead I was confident that we were about to coast our way to a much need victory over Stoke and by the half-time whistle it seemed all but assured. Unfortunately for me I forgot that the Potters have been assembling an all conquering team, as Rafa Silva and the Spanish, Brazilian hybrid striker himself, Diego Costa fired them back into the points.


9th April 2022
Premier League
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Paz has awoken! The future Swiss star announces himself properly to the league with a superb hat-trick to help us cruise past the rapidly falling Wigan. Having got stuck into the Premier League like a rabid pitbull, the Latics are rapidly coming back down to earth with a five goal drubbing quickly helping them learn their place in the league.


13th April 2022
Premier League
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Up until now our results this year have been relativley encouraging. Even in defeat we had atleast look vaguely competitive but when we welcome Tottenham to St James's Park we merely threw up the white flag and watched as the rampant Spurs destroyed is in brutal fashion with an early injury adding to our end of season troubles.

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16th April 2022
Premier League
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Without our attacking maestro Sigurdsson to rely on, we struggled to create chances against Leicester as Zach Clough cancelled out Charlie Austin's opening goal to ensure Leicester would keep their bragging rights over me for atleast one more season. Truth be told I highly doubt the Foxes even care but non the less this still feels personal.


25th April 2022
Premier League
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Despite the referee giving us a huge advantage by sending off the Cherries frightening quick Iborra just before the break we could do little to break through their resilient defence as we are left to settle for a goalless draw in front of the frustrated home crowd. The pressure might just be getting to the boys...


30th April 2022
Premier League
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...or maybe not. The boys pull off one of their best performances of the season as they put on a rare defensive master class to keep City's superstars at bay with Charlie Austin coming off the bench to score a late goal in a perfect example of hit and run football. That should get the morale back up!


April 2022
Premier League
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With a mixed month we manage to hold on to our position narrowly above the relegation zone, with a slender advantage and Wigan holding an important game in hand, its not going to be a comfortable run in but with just two games remaining we have at least given ourselves the perfect opportunity to keep our place in the top flight.

​
 

May 2022​

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9th May 2022
Premier League
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An incredibly challenging run in kicks off with the ever present dual between myself and Rafa. Its hard to call it a duel in actual fact as that would imply it's actual competitive, however for the first time in three games against the Mustachioed Spaniard he does not call for me to get sacked. Probably more down to his gratefulness for signing opening goal scorer, Hughes earlier in the season. Thanks Will.


15th May 2022
Premier League
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Ensuring that we once again end the season with our tails between our legs and our fate very much in the balance comes the dominant Diego Simeone. The Argentinian has continued his impressive managerial record with the Blues and a four goal drubbing ensured he would claim second place in the league behind Roberto Martinez's frighteningly powerful United.


May 2022
Premier League
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Thankfully for us both Bournemouth and more importantly Wigan fail to win either of their final two games of the season, with things remaining very much as they where with all three teams locked in their final precarious positions. Its been another truly stressful season but once again we have achieved safety....If you can call that an achievement.

​
 
Last edited:
Well, I guess it's job done for another season - well done on surviving again! Any other clubs showing an interest in your services?
Also, it's only showing 3 goals scored in your defeat to Chelsea isn't it??
 

Thanks AW190. Job done indeed, not exactly a rewarding one though. All will be revealed!

It does indeed, looks like I conviently forgot to show that Dequevy scored against us with his new club. I can try to forget for now.

It has been a season of all too familiar Premier League struggling in Newcastle.

With the club seemingly trapped in a never ending cycle of relegation dog fights and all too breif winning sprees, its safe to say that I was feeling rather down in the dumps come the end of season review.

Fortunately for me it seems my grafting at the bottom could be about to reward me with some much needed change...
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With my name in the running for numerous jobs around Europe and even former title winners, Tottenham offering me a chance at taking over at White Hart Lane, I was certainly looking forward to seeing the outcome of my numerous interviews but before I could start to dream of taking up the reigns of Fenerbache or Hoffenheim, I was distracted by some massive changes...

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[TD="align: center"]Joachim Low[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Laurent Blanc[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Diego Simeone[/TD]
[/TR]
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[TD="align: center"]Barcelona[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Real Madrid[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Chelsea[/TD]
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[TD="align: center"]£94,000 per week[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]£93,000 per week[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]£91,000 per week[/TD]
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Pep is out of here!

Its been coming. The Spaniard endured a torrid time at the helm of the Citizens yet somehow managed to walk away from the job under his own steam as he takes up the reigns of the illustrious Spanish national team. Non the less his low key departure has had massive ramifications to the top earners.

The top wage has plummeted right the way down to Joachim Low's still impressive earnings at the helm of Barcelona. The German however appears to have inherited the curse at the top as he can only lead the Catalans to a disappointing third place finish. For Laurent Blanc it has finally been a season of success. Having missed out on the Champions League last year he made the most of the opportunity scooping up the Europa League on his way to reclaim the top spot for the resurgent Galacticos.

With Pep gone, in steps Chelsea manager Diego Simeone. The former Atletico Madrid manager has made an impressive start to his career in London and could certainly have a lengthy spell in the top earners as one of the most prized head coaches in the world.

I might have quite a way to go before I too can claim the same...

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[TD="align: center"]Derby Jack[/TD]
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[TD="align: center"]Newcaslte United[/TD]
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[TD="align: center"]£20,500 per week[/TD]
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Once again the board choose to leave me hanging on the same wage, with just one season remaining on my contract but for once it appears there causal attitude to my tenure might be about to come back to bite them...
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Could I soon be on my way to Holland?

When of the most prestigious teams in Europe come knocking, you know you have to fight to get your foot in the door. With the Newcastle board once again proving to be rather nonchalant about my role with the club, I jump at the chance to try and grab the reigns of the fallen giants, Ajax.

Lots of options. It seems my days at St James's Park and potentially England are numbered...

​
 
Ooooh, you have totally just left us on edge there. Well done on keeping them up.

Ajax would be an intriguing club to manage, looking forward to seeing if it comes to fruition.
 
Epic season again! Once I saw the signing of Paz I had pretty high hopes, and he definitely did well! Can't wait to see where you end up
 
Had to dust off my old account so I could comment on this. Brilliant work so far! Keep it up! One thing though, why do you keep referring to Cardiff as the Swallows? Our nicknames the Bluebirds!
 
I have loved reading this story - the idea of being solely focused on money appeals to my inner greedy self.

I hope you do well with the interviews for new jobs as I think you need to move!

One tip I can give you is in interviews if you act like an arrogant *** you usually get the job.
 

Indeed it would Deathball! A long over due one as well!

Thanks Nick. I love the club personally so was so keen to ensure I got a chance at the job.

Cheers Athomash!

Patrick...I feel I might have let you down in the transfer window.

Thanks so much ejldude, I honestly have no idea why I have been doing that. There isn't even a club nicknamed the Swallows is there? Sorry!

Glad to hear it naterr, I'm going to need to turn to a life of crime to fulfill my greed. Football clearly is not the answer! I honestly have not tried that but it could explain quite alot...


Thanks alot for the post guys, your patience for someone that fails so much at this game is truly impressive!
Thanks for sticking with me still!

A season awaits and with time ticking down I gleefully awaited the news of my next destination.

Italy, Holland, Germany and Turkey all countries seemingly keen on bringing a time travelling top flight struggler to their ranks but whilst I started to pack my suitcase the news I longed for started to trickle in...
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Well that went down hill fast.

Each and every team found themselves a manager, with more experience, more silverware and even more common sense as my Summer break quickly descended into a disaster.

With my name in the running for just one more job, surely Ajax, the team that asked me to approach the board personally to ask solely for the permission to join their illustrious club will reward my efforts...
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Was it something I said?

A bright summer break filled of hopes and dreams has flopped into a gray and drizzle filled failure as my name is bounced back from every available job in the continent.

With no more opportunities, a considerably bruised ego and the sudden realisation that I am in for another season of Premier League brutality, I went back to work with my tail between my legs.

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I can't escape.

With a smug board, welcoming back with a considerably large budget to avoid the ever present threat of relegation I set to work, trying to form a team that could give me the much needed boost to my reputation that I apparently desperately need.

Time to make the most of a bad situation...

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Two main departures as the majority of the leavers consist of promising loanees to our feeder club, Gateshead.

South African defender Mbhele departs the North East of England for life in the Bundesliga as the temptation of European football proves to be too much for my former signing, a transfer request ending his solid tenure with the club.

Following him out of the team is recent arrival Imanol Paz. In a surprising move the Swiss striker, departs the club for the Bluebirds in a five million pound deal. Having only recently started to make an impact at the club, his transfer was certainly unexpected by the majority of fans but there was some logic to the young strikers short tenure.

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​
From: Chivas
Cost: £7.75 million

First arrival is Mexican midfielder, Ivan Delgado. With the club still not quite up to speed in the middle of the field from last season departures of Hughes and Gaudino, I turned to the Americas for my next roll of the dice with the nippy play-maker, Delgado the next hope to provide the club with some clinical attacking moves.


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​
From: Paris St Germain
Cost: £12 million

When Pandrc was listed by the French champions I jumped at the opportunity to snap up another exciting young Serbian midfielder before actually thinking about where I could place the physical beast into my team but if we can train the Twenty-Three year old he has the ideal stats to become a superb winger.


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​
From: Barcelona
Cost: £6 million

A bargain signing from the worlds highest earning manager as I bring in Rodrigo Ely to the club. The Brazilian centre-back has endured a torrid time at the Spanish giants and jumped at the opportunity to grab some much missed first-team football as he becomes our instant replacement for the departed Mbhele.


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​
From: CSKA Moscow
Cost: £20 million

This is the reason for Paz's departure. I'm not sure if it was the disappointment of my summer or the threat of an impending relegation battle but for the first time in my career I truly splurged. Having scouted out Bakhrin for two seasons my scouts have implored me to do all I can to bring the free-scoring striker into the team and with a hefty budget behind me, I finally did as they asked.




Yeah...even I'm not entirely sure I should have done that.

Having watched idily by as my dream moves faded in front of me, I returned to Newcastle and indulged in some rather costly retail therapy.

With another season approaching worryingly fast I, along with the recent of Newcastle can only hope that Bakhtin, enjoys a better spell in the country then his compatriots, Arshavin, Bilyaletdinov and Pavluychenko...​
 
Ouch... that's gotta hurt getting rejected by everyone. Out of interest, who did Ajax and Spurs take over you? Transfers look decent again, those physicals on Pandrc :O He's like a man mountain with speed!
Good luck for the season ahead, go show those clubs what they missed out on!
 
ahhh ****, would have been awesome at Ajax. Keep working hard and you'll get out of Newcastle!!
 
Haha I wouldn't say you let me down. The Russian striker looks pretty good and the others look quality too, hopefully they can help you push up the table!
 

It most certainly did AW. Ajax went with the rapidly raising former England manager, Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink and Spurs made the bold and even more humiliating option of Roy Keane. Now that truly rubs salt into the wound.
I'm hoping Pandrc can develop his technical side to match. Thanks again!

I certainly seem to be stuck in it Death Ball.

I really wanted it too Nick, cheers for the faith!

He should be good, been scoring for fun in the Russian leagues just not sure he was worth the Twenty million splurge. Cheers Patrick!
​

Preseason
2022/23

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9th July 2022
Friendly
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So having accepted my fate, I instead take the club across to Germany for the pre-season tour. Having missed out on a future club in Europe, this would appear to be the next best thing. The boys to their credit put on an efficient display that saw them run out comfortable winners following a slow first hour of game-play.


16th July 2022
Friendly
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For the majority of my pre-season tours I have conveniently avoided Bundesliga clubs until an eventual match with everyone's favourite liberal German football club St Pauli. The Pirates proved to be a step too far on our pre-season adventure as we slump to a narrow one goal defeat.


19th July 2022
Friendly
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Having retreated from the top flight clubs with a ****** nose, we return to the lower rungs of the German leagues for a one sided victory over Berliner AK. The club from the capital did little to trouble our reformed defence as we controlled the entire ninety minutes of play to get us back on to winning ways.


25th July 2022
Friendly
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Rounding off another tour of Deutschland, we run out five goal winners with a first half demolition job proving to be more then enough to ensure Rodinghausen cannot build on their quick fire opening goal. The fixture see's Mbhele sign off his account with a final goal before he remains behind in Germany to join his new club, Wolfsburg.


29th July 2022
Friendly
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Returning back home, we are given a rude awakening from Oldham as our feeder club hold us to a worryingly easy goal-less draw. If we cannot find the back of the net against a League Two side how are we going to cope in the top flight? A positive response was called for in the next game...


1st August 2022
Friendly
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...And the boys delivered in style. Non league Gateshead fielded a team strung together with our own loanees but they could do little to stop the determined Magpies as we scooped up a five goal victory including an impressive brace for Marcus Rashford. If the midfield can play like this every game we should have nothing to worry about.




Not a bad pre-season but following the defeat against St Pauli it's hard to have much faith in the club avoiding yet another relegation scrap as we build morale with some more bullying of the lower leagues.

​
 

August 2022

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14th August 2022
Premier League
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With me not exactly thrilled at the prospect of another season of struggling in Newcastle, its safe to say that an opening fixture against title holders, Manchester United did not entirely renew my confidence. Roberto Martinez's reformed Red Devils ran out comfortable winners despite an opening penalty from their former player, Marcus Rashford.


20th August 2022
Premier League
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Rubbing salt into the wound comes third highest earner, Diego Simeone. The Argentinian continues to showcase his talent with the Blues as they kick off their title chasing season with a comfortable victory over a ten man Newcastle. Having gone up against two of the leagues best in quick succession I can only hope things get easier from here.


23rd August 2022
Capital One Cup - 2nd Round
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Having been turned down for every job in the pre-season, its come to my attention that I need a much needed boost to my reputation to secure the next step in my career. The League Cup would certainly fit the bill. An incredible performance from our Argentine winger, Tocalli saw off League Two's Plymouth despite their impressive first half resilience.


27th August 2022
Premier League
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That's more like it. Back to the league and we continue our winning ways with a comfortable victory over Hull City. The Tigers have proven to be a solid side in the top flight but our impressive midfield made the difference between the two sides as our two veterans, Sigurdsson and Townsend combined to send us back up North with all three points.


August 2022
Premier League
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We start the season where we ended it. A worrying spot just above the dreaded relegation zone. With the season only just beginning hopes are high that this doesn't prove to be an omen towards where we will end the season. Another relegation battle could very well break me.

​
 

September 2022​

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10th September 2022
Premier League
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Despite cruising past Hull City we follow the impressive result up with a disappointing result against recently promoted West Brom. The Baggies should once again find themselves battling to survive in the top flight but with a first half inspired victory we could only sit back and watch as Bakhtins debut goal goes unrewarded. Welcome to Newcastle.


17th September 2022
Premier League
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Thankfully we bounce back in the very next game with another impressive two goal victory over what should be a European chasing, West Ham. A combination of our two Summer arrivals see's Brazilian centre-back Ely and the Russian phenom Bakhtin both find the net on our way to victory.


20th September 2022
Capital One Cup - 3rd Round
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The Cup dream is once again shelved as my hopes of a reputation boosting cup win, comes to a very abrupt end following a red card to right-back Renicek. Before the young defender was sent to the back we where still chasing the game against a determined Southampton but a clumsy challenge quickly ended our fight.


25th September 2022
Premier League
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Bournemouth like us have been battling to keep their heads above the water for far too many seasons to be healthy for fans and staff a like. An early, stress inducing, relegation six pointer did little to calm the nerves of either side as a late goal from promising defender Lukas, saved us from dropping an important three points.


September 2022
Premier League
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Climbing just a solitary place we squeeze into the deceptively safe spot on fifteenth. With the drop zone now thankfully out of immediate sight it's easy to ignore the fact that we are still ye to hit double figures in points. Any slip ups are going to be punished severely. This season is already shaping up to be another bruising affair.

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