The Football Managing Mercenary

[DerbyJack]

I think I'm ready for a quiet season in the middle of League One now!

---

March 2023

With the League coming right down to the wire, I couldn't hold my nerve as a late transfer spree comes with just a month and a half of football remaining...

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free
​

Left-back has been somewhat of a problem position of late with no player in the clubs still overly large squad capable of filling in with any level of competence...Dan Madden might not exactly solve that problem. The teenage defender has been out of football for almost an entire season since his release from Bournemouth but should prove keen to make up for lost time.

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free
​

With Fabian Delph head and shoulders above the rest of his midfield compatriots I made a last-ditch move to bring in a capable partner for our former England man in the shape of Devonte Redmond. Despite not enjoying perhaps as much of a stellar career as his new midfield partner the former Southend play-maker could well make a massive impact at this level.

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free​

A potential Season defining injury more or less forced my hand on this transfer as we quickly made the move to bring in former Sheffield Wednesday and most importantly Derby County striker, Sam Winnall to our swelled ranks. Despite being somewhat of a forced signing the experienced finisher is more then capable of making a massive impact in the National League.

_______

1st March 2023
National League

Well...that was less then encouraging. Morecambe should be no where near our level at this stage of the season but somehow The Shrimpers proved to be more then capable of mixing it up with our promotion chasing squad as they scooped a late victory to already throw our promotion hopes into jeopardy. To top things off our Irish sharpshooter was apparently snapped in half in mid-air...that's almost impressive Aaron...

4th March 2023
National League

...And things just get worse. Another club with very little to play for at this stage of the season somehow manage to completely outplay the squad as we are convincingly seen off by Yeovil. A shockingly bad opening half of football saw the Glovers shoot into a deserved Two goal lead with only Ramsden's second half effort giving a bemused travelling support something to cheer about.


11th March 2023
National League

Could someone please explain what is happening? Despite being on the back foot for the majority of the game, the ever promising Dale Black seemed to salvage some much needed pride with a leveler just five minutes from time but in a display that could only suggest the boys have no interest in getting into the Football League we instantly gift Grimsby with a winner just seconds later. Generous.


18th March 2023
National League

That's more like it. In a performance that largely suggests we are now going to charge our way back into the title race in convincing fashion we destroy a troubled Hartlepool with ease as our reliable strike partnership of Black and Ramsden combine well to end our horrific run of form. Surely now this is the sign of a resurgent run to the title. All is forgiven boys...


22nd March 2023
National League

...Why? Just Why. Four days on from destroying Hartlepool we are once again back to losing ways as The O's pull off the perfect smash and grab victory with a first-half clumsy penalty handing Leyton the lead which they greedily held on to until the final whistle of the game. I think my honeymoon period has well and truly ended.


March 2023
National League

Well...I've made myself at home.

A month of complete failure see's a shell-shocked Bradford Park Avenue crash not just out of the title race but out of the all important play-offs as well. Brilliant. With a now vital game in hand the only slight edge the club has at this stage we now face an even more crucial final month of football to try and salvage what has just become a disappointing season.

That was painful.

​

 

[Brane_Orsou]

BOOM - and the walls came crashing down!

 

[Sammuthegreat]

Wow, what a terrible run of form, and even worse timing.

 

[DerbyJack]

I think I'm cursed to remain in Non-League football!

Indeed it was Sammu! Thankfully a crazily busy April gives me a shot at redeeming myself...or you putting a final nail in the coffin?

---

April 2023

1st April 2023
National League

Any hopes that our calamitous losing streak was an extremely elaborate April Fools joke immediately disappeared as we are further humiliated by a Wrexham side showing us just how to pull off a late surge to the title. A one-sided game had only one brief highlight for the home crowd as Sam Winnall marks a horrific debut with a second half goal against the run of play.


4th April 2023
National League

Fittingly the boys return to winning ways as we cruise past one of the only clubs managing to bottle this season more then we have. Topping the table towards the midway point of the season, Southport have imploded in dramatic fashion, a three goal whitewash see's the deflated squad slip further away from any shot at salvaging promotion.


7th April 2023
National League

And we're straight back to losing ways. Having forced their way into the playoff race, Boston continue to mount a strong claim for a long awaited return to the Football League as they sneak a morale battering victory with just nine minutes remaining on the clock. Just when I thought we were about to mount an almighty charge back into the playoffs...


10th April 2023
National League

Well. It's not a loss. Having snatched up a two goal lead, it seemed the boys were set to restore the club to winning ways once more before the half time whistle was even blown but a calamitous second half of football saw Halifax batter their way back into the game before Demetriou opted to spare our blushes by crunching Dale Black and reducing a rampant Halifax to ten men.


15th April 2023
National League

With our playoff hopes very much in the balance a vital two goal victory keeps the club just within reach with a handful of games remaining. Goals just before both the half and full-time whistle from the newly formed strike partnership of Ramsden and Winnall ensure a vital three points however the return to winning ways came at the cost of our midfield maestro...

22nd April 2023
National League

Has Delph been holding us back? Continuing to keep the club in the running in the most dramatic of fashions, Ramsden takes it upon himself to see off a visiting Chesterfield side as he smashes home a stunning hat-trick with Sam Winnall continuing his impressive form to complete the rout against the deflated visitors. It's going to be a tight one...

29th April 2023
National League

God bless you Torquay. With the club needing simply to win to remain with even a chance at grabbing a spot in the play-offs, Torquay continue to hold a soft spot in my cold money grabbing heart as they hand me a monumental boost with a comfortable two goal victory. With my former club seen off, The Gulls might just have ironically saved me at my newest employers...

April 2023
National League

Never in doubt. Honest.

By the smallest of margins, the season has just about been saved. Squeezing into the all important play-offs by just a solitary point, we find ourselves somehow within reaching distance of finally breaking our way into the Football League.

Somehow I don't quite think we're going to be the favorites...



May 2023

2nd May 2023
National League - Playoff 1st Rnd

Last time I scraped my way to the playoffs with Guiseley some three seasons ago we were knocked out by Bradford Park Avenue in the first round. Guess I returned the favor? A brutally cruel late goal ended our slender playoff hopes in bitter fashion as some hap-hazard defending saw Boston smash their way into the next round with just a minute on the clock.



I guess I deserved that.

Having arrived at Bradford Park Avenue with the club poised on the cusp of a title race, I somehow managed to turn things completely on their head.

From the top of the table to the fringes of the playoffs.

I should probably just be happy to still be employed I guess?

​

 

[PatrickLFC]

Rough ending to the season mate, hopefully with Delph and Connolly fit and some new signings you can mount a title challenge next year

 

[Brane_Orsou]

Ouch! Rebuild ready for promotion next season

 

[TheBattman]

I can't help but laugh but really hoping you get out of this league sooner rather later!

 

[Worthy15]

You don't seem to have much luck DJ, however rally the troops and go again!

 

[The GallantPioneer1872]

Really feel bad for you, Thought you were on the up at least for a short while you were on top!!

 

[DerbyJack]

Cheers Patrick, honestly with the ridiculous wages this club can offer I should be able to form a League Two winning team at this level!

We keep going Neavie!

I laughed. Once. This is proving to be a rather ego bruising career. Cheers Battman!

In many ways you are too right Worthy but then again I suppose I'm relatively lucky to even still be employed with my record....right?

So did I Gallant, I've never quite seen a club bottle it so quickly before. Thanks for your support!

---

It's safe to say this season didn't exactly pan out as expected.

For the gentlemen at the top of the beautiful game however it's an all too familiar line-up...

​

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[TR]
[TD="align: center"]

[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]

[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="align: center"]Jose Mourinhio[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Deigo Simeone[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Massimiliano Allegri[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="align: center"]Manchester United[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Atletico Madrid[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]Manchester City[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="align: center"]£250,000 per week[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]£190,000 per week[/TD]
[TD="align: center"]£160,000 per week[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

Jose is bordering on god-like status at Old Trafford but he might just be under threat...

Massimiliano Allegri has arrived in England.

Despite taking a pay-cut to join the Citizens, the former Juve manager makes an instant impact as he guides the club to a long awaited return to the top of the Premier League, with the Special One reduced to just a domestic cup double.

Whilst English football awaits the beginning of an enjoyable duel between the Manchester Clubs, perennial runner-up, Diego Simeone continues to keep his head above water with a cup victory and a third place finish ensuring he remains in favor at the Wanda Metropolitano.

Meanwhile with my contract at Bradford Park Avenue up and a wobbly end to the season I await what I thought would be a rather precarious pre-season.

The footballing gods however showed mercy...

[TABLE="class: cms_table_cms_table, width: 260, align: center"]
[TR]
[TD="align: center"]

[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="align: center"]Derby Jack[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="align: center"]Bradford Park Avenue[/TD]
[/TR]
[TR]
[TD="align: center"]£1000 per week[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

Finally. A landmark.

Its taken me a rather worryingly long five seasons to reach the one thousand pound mark as my millionaire employers continue to make the most of the clubs unfathomable riches as I'm rewarded for almost messing up a seemingly gift wrapped season with a bumper new contract.

Football is a crazy game at times.

Non the less as I quickly sign up for another year in Bradford before the owners realise just what happened last season, I gear up for a renewed shot at claiming the title.

The Football League awaits...



​

 

[DerbyJack]

Moving to Bradford Park Avenue was supposed to be my shortcut to the Football League...

...Instead I now find myself at the helm of a club I have no real desire to manage with a monumental weight of expectation weighing heavy on my shoulders.

If I'm going to make the most of this gamble, I'm going to need to graft my way to the top.

Let's get to work....

Just one sale from Park Avenue as midfielder Carl Stewart is deemed surplus to requirements for the season ahead with Shrewsbury tabling a handsome little offer to secure the advanced playmaker.

Joining him out the exit goes Northern Irish midfielder Mark Tanner. The youngster has yet to break into the first team but with a firm place in the Northern Irish Under Twenty-Ones and a season with Darlington to come he could well develop into a crucial defender in the near future.

With just one permanent departure from the club, the expected blood letting comes in the form of six released contracts as we say goodbye to a host of deadwood.

Having inherited a bloated squad I was quick to reduce the numbers down as we ship out the likes of Nicky Featherstone and Dan Happe.

All six had rarely bothered the first-team line-up and will easily be improved upon with some astute signings....

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free​

My defence is problematic and by problematic I mean god awful. With some free-scoring strikers doing the leg work in the early part of last season the frailties at the back were covered up but in a quick attempt at adding to the starting back four I snap up Scott Peake to take up the reigns as our leading left-back.

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free​

Despite failing to make the grade at Forest, Irish winger Billy Kelleher attracted a great deal of attention in the Summer transfer window with a number of League Two clubs readily waiting to snap him up but with the clubs impressive wage budget behind me we nicked in to bring promising right midfielder into the team.

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free​

My scouts fell about themselves in trying to alert me to Nigerian center-back Akinola and with the potential to become a leading League One defender we broke the bank to add newly-promoted Hampton & Richmonds former brick-wall to our defensive line. I'm confident this boy alone will vastly improve our rather hap-hazard defending.

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free​

Continuing the theme of landing any slightly talented defender to the team, we once again flash our enviable wage budget to land Reece Fielding. With experience of life in both League One and Two behind him despite being just Twenty-Five years old the technically sound center-back will add some crucial depth and experience at the back.

From: Out of Contract
Cost: Free​

Rounding off the transfer window comes the promising arrival of Rikki Vine. With Delph and Redmond both vying to be the clubs playmaker in the middle of the field, I desperately needed someone to fill in as the unforgiving workhorse beside them with the former Stoke battler fitting the bill perfectly. A great prospect.




Building from the back.

Aside from one flashy Irish winger the entire transfer window revolved around adding some much needed ball winning ability to a rather frail looking team.

With the boys already proving to be lethal in-front of goal at this level surely this new and improved backbone of the club should complete my soon to be title winning squad.

I've got this one wrapped up before we've even kicked a ball...



​

 

[Worthy15]

I retract my statement regarding your lack of luck, how the **** did you manage to get a new improved contract!?

Anyway I have a feeling this is your year (Much like it is Liverpool’s at the start of every season)

 

[DerbyJack]

This team literally has more money then sense Worthy! I'll try to pretend that isn't a kiss of death!

---

Preseason 2023

15th July 2023
Friendly

As I begrudgingly settle in for yet another season in the National League, its a quick reminder of just how far I've come as we see off my former and now Non-League club FC United. The Red Rebels are still yet to break back into the National League North and a comfortable two goal victory suggested they still have a long way to go. Should never have sacked me.


22nd July 2023
Friendly

Much like myself York are experiencing a frustrating time in the Vanarma Leagues. Still wallowing in the National League North, we showed our near neighbours just far they have to go to reach the edge of the Football League as we put on a showcase of attacking football, finding the back of the net five times courtesy of our ever reliable forward players.


29th July 2023
Friendly

Now that's a sign of intent. Championship side Aston Villa make the trip up North and are quickly sent packing back down to the West Midlands with their tails between their legs. A spirited showing from the Park Avenue boys saw them refuse to lay down for their heavyweight opponents with Sam Winnall keeping us firmly in the game to claim an unexpected draw.


7th August 2023
Friendly

The annual fixture against our big boy Neighbours has us actually nearly topple the Bantams. With our League One visitors seemingly set for a comfortable victory, Fabian Delph took the opportunity to roll back the years with a thumping effort giving us a brief glimmer of hope that we might steal bragging rights. Alas it was not be.



Short but sweet.

Having comfortably seen off our lower league opposition, the boys then performed above expectations against their lofty visitors, as they set their sights on smashing into the Football League.

Everything's coming together nicely.

My time is now...

​

 

[DerbyJack]

August 2023​

12th August 2023
National League

The season gets off to a winning start as we sneak our way past FC Halifax in a tense game at the Horsfall Stadium. A rather tentative first half saw neither side capable of creating a route to goal but within just ten minutes of coming out for the second, the game burst into life with both Ramsden and Winnall combining to get our promotion party started early...


19th August 2023
National League

...take down the banners. Parties cancelled. Lowly Dover look likely to be humiliated within just eleven minutes as we smash our way into a two goal lead but the relegation favorites rallied in style pegging us back twice throughout the game to claim an admirable point. Our deadly touch hasn't quite materialised just yet.


23rd August 2023
National League

Well. This isn't how its supposed to be. Just three games into the season and we suffer our first taste of defeat. Having watched our defence nearly throw away promotion last season, it seems even my newly formed and over-paid back line is picking up exactly where they left off. A goal within eight minutes ruins any hopes of a Torquay style run to the top...


26th August 2023
National League

...Talking of which. The Gulls have enjoyed a strong start to their season but our Irish poacher was in no mood to keep the good times rolling down in Devon as he tore into my former club. A sensational four goals alongside Ramden's brace got us straight back into winning ways in the finest of fashions. No room for mercy.


August 2023
National League

Mixed fortunes at the start of the season ensures we don't get to sit top of the pile at the early running. With the club hotly tipped to be involved in a heated race to the title, we are going to need to get ourselves back into the running as soon as possible. I might be itching to get into the Football League but my free-spending board are just as impatient.


​

 

[DerbyJack]

September 2023​

2nd September 2023
National League

Continuing our iffy start to the season we are unable to find a route past Chester as we play out a bore-draw at the Deva Stadium. With our forwards once again proving they have got enough about themselves to make the difference this season I can at least take some solace in the fact our defence managed to keep a clean sheet.


4th September 2023
National League

Early leaders Maidstone look to present a stern challenge to us at this early stage of the season but in an encouraging first half of football the boys instantly shot into the lead with Winnall and Connolly combining to see off an apparently frustrated Stones with a late red card summing up a disappointing afternoon for the Home side.


10th September 2023
National League

Having just eased past the current leaders, hopes were high that we might continue to impress in the next game against a challenging Stockport side but in convincing fashion the former football League side proved to be not quite such an easy push over. Goals at the start and end of the game highlighted a dominant showing from The Hatters.


16th September 2023
National League

In scintillating fashion the boys smash their way through Altrincham to get us back on track for the race to the top. In impressive fashion the defence not only held their own to keep an impressive clean sheet but also scored two of the goals as defensive pairing Yao and Akinola make the most of two well worked corners.


19th September 2023
National League

Yeovil have been woeful since their arrival into the National League and look set for yet another season wallowing in non-League football with a sluggish start to the season. Despite pegging us back in the second half, we deservedly grabbed a welcome own goal with just a minute to go for another three points.


23rd September 2023
National League

The points keep coming in as we sneak our way through Aldershot courtesy of Ramsden's opening goal just five minutes from the break. The club's leading scorer last season has been absent from the score-sheet of late but fired back in style with a forty-yard thunderbolt to stun the home side.


30th September 2023
National League

Rounding off an increasingly impressive month of football, the boys end September with an early victory over Salford courtesy of both Ramsden and Winnall's quickfire goals. The once most promising looking Non-League side in football have really stalled at the last hurdle and look set for another season trying to gear up for another push.


September 2023
National League

Being an idiot I managed to save over the screenshot. Sorry!...So here's August...again.

Rest assured with a sweet ending to our month the boys have managed to get our promotion push right back on track as we sit just outside of what is already looking to be a monumental race for the title. With the boys in quite the run of form we can only hope it carries on throughout the season.


​

 

[TractorBoy2000]

Great stuff

Loving your work so far, surely can't be long until you reach the Football League! Is this your year?

 

[DerbyJack]

Cheers TractorBoy! I thought that as well but I'm not quite feeling it anymore...

---

October 2023

7th October 2023
National League

With the club wracking up the points without a care in the world, our winning streak comes to a very abrupt end as they are roundly sent packing by a fired up Boston United. The Pilgrims are currently joining us at the top end of the table and laid down their title credentials in thumping fashion with an emphatic three goal victory. Fair play.


10th October 2023
National League

The bruising defeat earlier in the month clearly knocked my newly formed squad but in a thrilling match against Eastleigh they rallied well to claim a hard-earned three points. Having dug our way back into the game twice, it took Yao to finally put us into the lead as his towering header with just seven minutes to go steals the all important points.


14th October 2023
National League

Another promotion rival, another defeat. For the second time this month we come up short against a fellow promotion chasing squad as we are this time on the wrong end of a similar five goal thriller. With the boys already seeming to be unable to match up to the Leagues best we aren't looking good for the play-offs. Automatic or bust?


21st October 2023
FA Cup - 4th Qual. Rnd

Money. It's what this entire career is based around. Unfortunately Bradford Park Avenue are rapidly losing it. For the second time in a row I find myself at the helm of a club rapidly leaking money despite me sticking to their budgets. A comfortably two goal victory over Telford at least leaves the prospect of scooping some in the latter rounds of the FA Cup.


28th October 2023
National League

Back to back losses in the League as we are this time left frustrated by Blyth. Some hideous defending gifted the Spartans with a well taken penalty just before the break, with the Northerners doubling their advantage in a sloppy start to the second half. A late Winnall goal at least gave us something to cling on to at the final whistle.


31st October 2023
National League

Continuing the trend of being entirely unconvincing in the League we return to winning ways in rather stressful fashion. The game was not just the tail of two halves but of two opposite ends of the pitch as our near faultless attackers managed to scrape the victory whilst the defence seemingly do their utmost to gift Macclesfield with a route back into the game at every opportunity.


October 2023
National League

The most inconsistent of months somehow has the club sneak their way into the final spot of the play-offs despite us gifting out points to our rivals without a care in the world. With Park Avenue now sitting in one of the most comfortable positions in the League we can only hope we push on from here. Unfortunately whilst I sit clinging on, my former club are showing me how it's done...

Well. Maybe this gamble hasn't quite paid off.

The Gulls are soaring at the top of the table on the back of a dominant run of form akin to the one that saw them gain promotion last season.

What could have been if I stayed?


​

 

[DerbyJack]

November 2023​

4th November 2023
National League

Flyde are admirably battling to break back into the Football League and in a thrilling game of football the former League Two side refused to go down, scoring two goals with just ten minutes to go with even a last second effort from Ramsden not enough to put the resurgent visitors down. A morale bashing narrow defeat. Thankfully I might have a route away from this horrific defence...

11th November 2023
FA Cup - 1st Rnd

Any hopes of trying to add a little to Park Avenue's now free-falling finances in the FA Cup are dashed in just the first round as League Two's Crawley narrowly edge a tight game with a goal just seconds after the start of the second half. Truth be told the money from the Cup would be a mere drop in the ocean something former manager and rival Meecham quickly jumped upon...

18th November 2023
National League

With Meecham still managing to fire shots despite being in the midst of a fierce relegation dog-fight at his new club, I am unable to find anyway to instantly re-assert myself as we are once again slipping up with my over-paid and under-performing defence gifting Tranmere the points and feeding Meecham more ammunition. The defeat didn't go unnoticed...

25th November 2023
National League

This defence. It's killing me.

Having almost been entirely reformed in the Summer they still remain making embarrassing mistakes that leave me pulling at my hair with title contenders Cambridge this time taking advantage with three calamitous goals and an own-goal capping a massively embarrassing afternoon for Park Avenue. At least there's signs the money issues might be over soon...

Good news right?

Well. Maybe not. With a team looking likely to head back to the fans and the board eager to pass the buck can they really be expected to cope with the teams finances...

I'm sure the fact that the finances have gone from three million in the Black to over one and a half million pounds in the Red during my tenure is merely a coincidence.

I have the utmost faith in the Bradford Park Fans Trust but can they truly find a way to stop this horrific slide into bankruptcy?


29th November 2023
National League

Whilst the board try to hammer out a quick deal to jump what might just be a sinking ship the boys do manage to bring an end to our recent losing streak as they see of Havant & Waterlooville. With my prospective new employers in the stands I can only hope the win put me in good standing, however I might not to impress them much longer...

November 2023
National League

With potential key developments off the pitch and a losing streak on it the club finds itself wallowing down in the depths of mid-table. Truth be told I'm growing increasingly weary of this teams haphazard defending and more importantly its decreasing amount of money, a feeling made even worse by the steady progress of my former club...

Oh sweet Jesus how I wish I had stayed in Torquay right now.

With the Gulls still making impressive headway in their attempts to make it back to the Football League I can only look on and grumble in the distance.

Painful.

​

 

[ninjaskill]

For a mercenary you make sure a lot of other people get paid I assume given what seems to happen to the finances of any club that employs you

 

[TheBattman]

Fantastic (the story, not you, unfortunately!)