The Football Managing Mercenary

[DerbyJack]

Thanks Raar!

It's certainly not my own managerial talents that's for sure. I've not tried it anywhere outside of League One so I can only assume it's a piece of sheer tactical brilliance.

Cheers Sammu, yeah I honestly like the idea of picking up two trophies this season but I can settle for just the one!

I hope so Battman, I'm not sure how much longer my luck with Barnet can stretch.

I have literally no idea Gallant. For now I can only assume Chairmen are opting to play it safe. Probably is for the best....except for me. Thanks as always!

Cheers Scott! I'm not quite sure the club is ready for it but it should be interesting to see what happens at least?

---

May 2027

2nd May 2027
EFL League One

Yeah. We're the title winners.

Any hopes I had the the club might just actually stand a chance in the cut-throat world of the Championship are quickly abolished by a rampant Oxford. With the U's very much in the hunt for promotion themselves the convincing defeat quickly ends the party atmosphere in Barnet as we now face the stark reality of just what will be expected of us next season. If I'm still there that is...

May 2027
EFL League One

Forget that doom and gloom.

We're Champions!

With three European top-flight sides all taking a look at one of the most in-form managers in football right now, this could possibly be the last view I get of English football for some time...Not a bad way to leave it.

With the Bee's poised for a potentially bruising Championship season this could be the perfect time for a quick escape and I won't be doing it empty handed...

First to pick up an award is our lethal Scottish striker, Innes Cameron. The attacking forward has been consistent throughout the season and did more then his fair share to not only help the club towards its new record new-high but to a well deserved Player of the Year winner. The sharpshooting finisher also played a hand in my newest accolade...

On the Tenth year of my football managing career my Managerial expertise is finally recognized with a Manger of the Year award.

Remember those times I was sacked from FC United, humiliated at Welling and achieved outright mediocrity at Guiseley? Those must surely now be long forgotten. I am a title claiming, expectation breaking, award winning Football League Manager now.

The world is my oyster...


​

 

[DerbyJack]

I'm making light work of the Football League this far.

With my current wage not matching my massive ego, I sit back and await along awaited and well deserved route to sit alongside our current top earners...
​

​

​

Massimiliano Allegri	Carlo Ancelotti	Jose Mourinhio
Real Madrid	Manchester United	Manchester City
£155,000 per week	£96,000 per week	£95,000 per week

No change at the top.

Run-away leader, Allegri continues to prove his golden touch on the grandest stage of all as he scoops up a Spanish domestic treble with his distance chasers in Manchester also sharing the spoils over in England.

Carlo Ancelotti continues to build United's flagging reputation with an FA Cup Victory but it's the former Red Devil manager who makes the biggest impact as the returning Jose Mourinhio marks his first season back in Manchester with a Premier League title and the League Cup for the cross-town rivals.

With the managers at the top of European football all fighting it out among themselves I can only hope to make my own unnoticed arrival into the the big Leagues...

...Was it something I said?

With my limited options all backing out on me at the last hurdle, I'm left facing two very stark realities.

Firstly, I'm clearly not good enough to land a job at the top of the European Football, secondly I'm about to lead a club still very much setup for League Two football into one of the most brutal and competitive competitions in not just the country but probably the continent.

At least I'm not doing it with completely empty pockets...

Derby Jack

Barnet

£2,500 per week

Not quite what I was expecting.

Despite my pay raise I'm still only picking up about a fifth of what my fellow Championship managers are earning. An absolute travesty.

Non-the-less with Three more seasons at the Hive now signed up for I've at least got my long term future secured...thrilling.

Despite the lengthy contract, the measly wage will actually benefit me.

If I can manage to survive this season my standing with the footballing heavyweights will surely see them willing to pay-out my lowly contract to secure my services...surely.

In the meantime...

Lets survive.

​

 

[coolmcool]

Im suprised to see how the wages of the big clubs managers have actually gone down as the save has progressed, you think with natural inflation of the market they would all three be on nearer 200k a week

 

[leckuno]

I'm loving that Mourinho has swapped to the other side of Manchester

 

[DerbyJack]

I always want it reach massive proportions but it seems FM is set to always have them go down. I've never had a career where the total has been higher at the end.

Place your money on that one happening soon leckuno!

---

I've said it probably too many times. but.

I have no idea who this is happening.

Whilst I try to work out if I have in fact become a Football Managing God simply through persistence alone, there is still plenty of time to ground myself by having a look at the rest of the Footballing world...


2026/27
Premier League

The two Manchester clubs continue to battle it out among themselves to decide the winner of the Premier League, with City once again continuing their recent run of dominance but the club that really steal the plaudits are Stoke City. The Potters scoop a huge third-place finish with Brentford, Burnley and West Brom only able to look enviously at Stoke's ever impressive progress.


2026/27
Championship

In an ever competitive Championship its another tight season at the top, with the Cherries and Reading both booking their place back in the top-flight, whilst Bristol City join them for the first time in their history as play-off winners. Meanwhile at the bottom of the table, Aston Villa follow in the footsteps of their rivals as they join Fleetwood and Bolton in the depths of League One.


2026/27
League One

That's right. Barnet are going to the Championship. With Bury and a seriously strong Blackburn Team joining them next season it's been an impressive season for the Bee's in more ways then one. Capping my joy this season a free-falling Nottingham crash into League Two with former giants Sheffield United also following close behind.


2026/27
League Two

With League Two quickly amassing some former English giants in their ranks, the bottom rung of the ladder proves to be a tough nut to crack as four of the clubs longest serving Teams earn their right to push into League One with a resurgent Tranmere at least giving the likes of Forest and now non-League Telford a glimmer of hope.


2026/27
Europa League

A thrilling Europa League final see's Juventus come out on top over a previously dominant Leverkusen. The German side dominated their way into the final but the Italian Champions proved to be on step too far as they narrowly pick up the victory following the lottery of penalties at a jam packed Ibrox.


2026/27
Champions League

Italy reigns supreme! Matching Juventus, Napoli also make their way to European silverware as they narrowly pip Chelsea to the Champions League trophy. With Four English clubs in the Quarter Finals it seemed the Home of Football was set to once again dominate the competition until an impressive Napoli edged it in Amsterdam.


You know the drill by now.

If you want to know where you club lies a decade in the future just let me know!


​

 

[DerbyJack]

I'm not trying to delay my impending doom in the Championship...honest.

With ten seasons now under my belt, I thought it might be wise to take a look back at some of my former clubs.

Unfortunately it seems I have the touch of footballing death...

_______

Having started my career with FC United, I managed to immediately set the club off to the most impressive of starts as I struggled to reach the clubs lofty promotion hopes before they quickly opted to send me packing to the job market.

It was a case of rinse and repeat as I managed to pull of the exact same thing next season with Welling United. A disappointing season saw me once more miss out on the expected promotion before an impatient board made it two sacking in as many season.

Both clubs now find themselves languishing outside of the National League altogether.
Kharma.

_______

Having joined Guiseley on the cusp of their relegation from the National League, I struggled to lift the club back to their expected promotion, instead managing to leave the club languishing in mid-table...where they still lie today. Progress.

Torquay managed to finally lift my languishing career as I guide the club back to National League following a dominant season with the Gulls before I jumped ship with the club still mounting a strong push up the League.

Following my resignation the former Football League side suffer a quick relegation now flirting on the edge of the National League South. Cursed I tell you!

_______

And finally Bradford Park Avenue, having made the gamble to join the play-off contenders late in the season, I narrowly missed out on promotion before picking up the FA Trophy in the next season and jumping ship with the club once again making a convincing push to the Football League.

One season later and Park Avenue now sit on the edge of the National League altogether plummeting to the bottom half of the National League North.

So yeah...

I'm a footballing Jonah.

And I wander why clubs don't want to appoint me...


​

 

[BallyC7]

The biggest curse English football has ever seen.....Barnet fans must be praying you never leave!

 

[ScottT]

Please don't leave to join Accrington in the near future. Thanks.

 

[DerbyJack]

David Moyes might just be keeping me out of the running for now? Maybe I can use this to blackmail them for more money?

I make no promises Scott, however this does now suggest taking over at Forest might not be such a terrible thing!
​

---

So there's only one small thing standing between me and a debut at the dizzying height of the Championship.

I need to craft a club capable of playing there.

With the majority of the squad still in place since my arrival in League Two, there is plenty of work to be done...

With no clubs opting to place any bids for my over-achieving squad, we rely solely on the end of numerous contracts to clear some space in the squad.

With Five departures, we clear out a number of players rarely featuring in our incredible promotion season, with the only players of note being the clubs longest serving player, Craig Storie and one season wonder, Luke Coker.

With some space cleared in the squad and the board backing me with a huge Two million pound transfer kitty, I skip gleefully off into the transfer market with the clubs new found riches burning a hole in my pocket...

From: Chelsea​

Cost: £350,000​

First signing of our Championship season is a rather dull one for the Barnet faithful as we scoop up Josh Smith for the third time in Three seasons. Arriving finally on a permanent basis, the Twenty Year Old defender opts to grab the opportunity of first-team football with a club-record transfer fee securing his future with the club.

From: Wrexham​

Cost: £135,000​

With our central midfielders being pivotal to our rather risky Four-Two-Four formation, the likes of Rikki Vine and Danny Killock are set to be stretched beyond their limits in the brutal world of the Championship. Wrexham's want-away midfielder Gwyn Wells however should add some much needed depth in the centre as we look to battle our way to survival.

From: Blackburn Rovers​

Cost: £100,000​

Having joined us in the Championship for the season ahead, we quickly dive into Blackburn Rovers to ****** their transfer-listed left-back Matty Cole. With Rovers squad being head and shoulders above our current first-team, the arrival of Cole will only go to serve as a brutal reminder of just how big the gulf in class will be between us and the Championships finest. Brace yourself Matty.

From: Out of Contract​

Cost: Free​

Wingers are absolutely paramount to my current formation, bombing up and down the flanks to feed my usually ruthless strike-force. The pacey left-winger Chris Brinkhurst and his tricky left-peg should see him light up the left-side of the pitch ahead of fellow new-arrival Matty Cole hopefully bringing the most out of the "Lazy-I".

From: Walsall
Cost: £125,000​

Final arrival of the transfer-window has us once more scoop up a bargain signing in the shape of Charlie Cooper. Walsall's former brick-wall should prove to be a crucial addition to our reformed defence, with his Ox like strength and strong tackling making him the perfect partner for Josh Smith in the middle of the field.



Well...

It's safe to say I have no idea what I'm doing.

Having dawdled in the lower-rungs of English Football for apparently far too long, I struggle to pull together a squad capable of mixing it up with the Championships best and instead plug the gaps with some bargain signings.

It's time to bid a fond farewell to my growing ego.

This season is going to hurt.


​

 

[sayitstuesday]

Just wanted to say thank you for the story! Has inspired me to start my own career as a merc on my own game!

 

[Matt G]

If you can survive this season, you can pretty much cash in your chips at Barnet.

 

[ScottT]

It will be a difficult challenge to avoid the drop, but if you do manage it... you will definitely be in high demand.

 

[DerbyJack]

Sorry If anyone read this without any content. I managed to hit post instantly...genius.


Thank you for reading! I really do appreciate it, makes it so much more enjoyable to have people following along with me. Best of Luck!

I hope so Matt, still not quite over my rather deflating interviews however!

Fingers crossed Scott! I can't see me taking the Bee's any higher then this. My luck has to run out soon!

---

Preseason 2027

10th July 2027
Friendly

An all important pre-season kicks off in less then convincing fashion as we claw our way to a narrow victory over Walsall. With the team very much still reliant on the strike-force that has been ever present since our days in the depths of League Two, their absence from the score-sheet is already noted by a fearful Barnet faithful.


17th July 2027
Friendly

Quick to ease their worries our Scottish talisman, Innes Cameron picks up a brace to help guide us past a lowly Blyth Spartans with the ever impressive Matt Gould once again keeping his name firmly in the running for a starting place with a typically late goal adding to his super-sub status.


20th July 2027
Friendly

In rather worrying fashion we return to League One for a tie against former Championship side, Burton. In what will hopefully not turn out to be a sign for the future, the Brewers comfortably held the Bee's at bay to secure a rather lackluster draw. If we're to avoid a similar fate at the home-side we're going to need to get more clinical in-front of goal...


24th July 2027
Friendly

...Yeah that should do it. An absolute thumping of Non-League Dorchester instantly sends the squad morale soaring with no fewer then six names making their way onto the score-sheet. With new arrivals, Charlie Cooper and Chris Brinkhurst already impressive the travelling Bee's we can only hope they continue to do so once the season gets under-way.


31st July 2027
Friendly

I guess the Premier League might not quite be on the cards quite yet then.

A Four goal drubbing at the hands of Chelsea rounds off a rather ominous pre-season for the Boys as Spanish manager Unai Emery unleashes a full strength Chelsea side upon their rapidly raising London neighbours. With some of the Championships best more then capable of mixing it up in the top-flight I have a horrible feeling this won't be the only thrashing we receive this season.

​

 

[DerbyJack]

August 2027​

7th August 2027
EFL Championship

Welcome to the Championship I guess?

Huddersfield gave us potentially the worst possible start to life in the League as they smash home Four goals within just Twenty-Five minutes. With the Barnet faithful already questioning if they can refund a season-ticket after just Thirty minutes of the season starting, the boys thankfully showed some signs of life with a late but futile come-back to make the score-line less bruising.


10th August 2027
EFL Cup - 1st Rnd

Whilst I try to ignore the fact that my squad only started to truly play football in the final few minutes of the previous game we thankfully are back to our ruthless best as we stomp all over a struggling Peterborough to make our way into the Second Round of the competition in style with left winger Brinkhurst showing some promising early signs.


14th August 2027
EFL Championship

And we're off!

With the first Championship point already in the bag for the Bee's we can at least rest easy knowing we're not completely out of our depth. A testing game against a promotion hunting Ipswich promised to be a testing affair for the boys and my Lazy-I formation but a squad more then capable of punching above their weight pulled off another upset. It seems people are starting to notice the high-flying Bees...

17th August 2027
EFL Championship

We're unable to build off our first Championship point as we are comfortably seen off by Preston. The Home-side will be keen to build on their recent strong showings in the Championship and an impressive all round performance certainly suggested that North-End might well be in the running for a spot in the top-flight come the end of the season.


21st August 2027
EFL Championship

First Victory in the bag.

Ironically it comes at the expense of our fellow promoted side Blackburn as we make quick advantage of their slow start to the season. A quick-fire brace of goals from Rovers suggested we might be in for another demoralizing defeat but in another impressive last minute showing, Innes Cameron cruelly rifled home to secure an important Three points.


24th August 2027
EFL Cup - 2nd Rnd

Having held the Tractor Boys to a point just weeks earlier we continue our impressive early form in the League Cup as we take another stride into the next round. In what has become the story of our first tentative steps into Championship life, the boys leave it late to make the difference with Lloyd Neal this time stealing the plaudits with a goal in extra-extra time.


28th August 2027
EFL Championship

We're instantly brought back down to Earth as we are soundly thumped by a title-chasing West-Brom. The Baggies have very much embraced their Premier League yo-yo club status in the last decade and with their lethal Brazilian striker, Matheusinho and the legendary Patrick Viera at the helm, they once again look set to break out of the Championship.


August 2027
EFL Championship

End the Season. We've Peaked.

Anything but bottom of the table is a welcome bonus for the club. With one month and five games under our belt, the Bee's already find themselves once again punching well above their weight.

Is it just something about this squad? Do they not realise how far out of the depth we actually are?


​

 

[DerbyJack]

September 2027

11th September 2027
EFL Championship

Continuing the tend of making an impact late into the game, it this time falls to Innes Cameron to steal the plaudits as his rifled home finisher just Seven minutes from time proves to be enough to salvage a point against a Crystal Palace side now long removed from their former glory fays in the Top-Flight. Thankfully the good times seem to keep rolling in Barnet...

14th September 2027
EFL Championship

Swindon Town have made a massive impact in the Championship since their recent arrival. The Robins have taken many of the Leagues biggest and best sides by surprise to mount some convincing pushes for promotion of late and another smooth one goal victory against the Bees got them once more moving steadily into position to push for the Premier League...


18th September 2027
EFL Championship

...Talking of which. Until Three seasons ago The Lions actually mixed it up with the Countries best in the Top Flight but following their almost immediate relegation, our fellow Londoners now find themselves once more battling it out in the rough and tumble of the Championship. A well earned victory over the visitors looks set to already put Millwall on the back foot.


22nd September 2027
EFL Cup - 3rd Rnd

Our League Cup campaign continues to gather some rather impressive momentum as we smash our way through fellow Championship side, Barnsley. Some will say the visitors didn't really have much desire to actually progress in the competition...I prefer to think we we're simply just unleashing our true potential....


25th September 2027
EFL Championship

...I guess our potential is only to be rolled out for the League Cup.

Another former Premier League side did a complete number on the League's new-boys as the rampant Tigers strolled their way to a convincing victory. Not only did Hull control the entire game but they also made a rather bruising impression upon our already stretched young squad. Cheers boys...

28th September 2027
EFL Championship

Our usually late impact was finally outdone as we come up against Brentford. The battle of the Bee's proved to be a rather close affair as an end to end game of football came down to the final few seconds of the game, with Cameron's late goal sending the Barnet faithful into raptures before the visitors struck a mammoth six minutes into injury time.

Apparently the late-goal wasn't disappointing enough...

September 2027
EFL Championship

We're holding on to this Eighteenth place with grim determination.

With a quarter of the season already under our belts, the club has already made massive strides to potentially actually survive this season as we keep the relegation battlers at arms length for the time being.

Surely someone is taking notice of this rock solid start...


​

 

[DerbyJack]

October 2027​

2nd October 2027
EFL Championship

At the early stages of this season, the fate of Barnet has already been revealed as we are once again comfortably seen off by a dominant Barnsley. With the boys unable to graft any shape of form, it seems we're going to survive by simply picking up a handful of points in between these rather humbling defeats. Non the less the talks have re-emerged...

16th October 2027
EFL Championship

It seemed my Rams were about to gift me with a welcome return to the points as the ever reliable Lloyd Neal hammered in the opening goal but with just ten minutes relating the entire team decided to completely switch off as they merely stood aside to let The Rams not only find a way back into the game but also to all Three points.

Non the less there was some positive news in London...

23rd October 2027
EFL Championship

With my new Greek board looking on the boys pull out the stops to make a strong impression. A clumsy red-card just before the hour mark seemed to suggest we were about to surrender any chance of making a positive impact in the game but with the seconds ticking down a soft penalty and a clinical Morton finish saw us steal all Three points.


27th October 2027
EFL Cup - 4th Rnd

The boys apparently can't resist the opportunity to impress their new employers. A Fourth Cup tie against fellow Championship side, Swansea should have seen us make an expected exit from the competition but in a surprising never say die performance the boys shrugged off Tammy Abrahams opening goal to ****** a place in the Quarter Finals in the most dramatic of fashions.

Having never really troubled the Cup competitions since my FA Trophy victory with Torquay we suddenly find ourselves in the Quarter Finals of the League Cup.

With the luck of the draw we might just be on our way back to Wembley...

...Or maybe not.

The Toffees will be no small feat for the Bees to sneak past as I face my first Premier League opposition in a competitive game but ****, we're the expectation defying Barnet.


30th October 2027
EFL Championship

They're on to me.

With half a mind on our exciting tie against Everton further down the line we role out against Queens Park Rangers in the midst of a rather impressive, if all be it rather brief run of form. A competitive tie between two teams both looking to keep themselves out of the relegation dog-fight ended with us deservedly sharing the spoils.


October 2027
EFL Championship

We've actually climbed a position.

With the club still finding itself comfortably out of the relegation scrap, the boys continue to defy expectations. With just Thirteen points to the clubs name we are still a long way short of the apparent magic Fifty point mark but with the points trickling in we are at least making a good go of it at this early stage.


​

 

[DerbyJack]

November 2027

3rd November 2027
EFL Championship

That's why Dylan.

With the fans openly questioning a tactic that almost certainly guided them to their new found dizzying height in the Championship, I have already started to cast my eye further afield to test my potentially game changing tactic upon the rest of the world. A dramatically late victory over Sunderland at least kept my fondness for the club in check... for now.


6th November 2027
EFL Championship

With the club in the midst of a small but important run of form, we are quickly slammed back down to reality thanks to a table topping Burnley. With both clubs drawing blood just minutes into the game I was convinced we might just be about to pull off another characteristic upset. Six minutes from the break I was soon reminded of just how quickly we've raised up the standings.


20th November 2027
EFL Championship

Having been comfortably seen off by Burnley, we quickly make a return to winning ways with a narrow victory over a struggling Portsmouth. With the boys greedily gobbling up any available points they can get their hands on we're already looking to be a comfortable step above the other relegation favorites.

Only thing that can stop us would be something like a long-term injury to our only first-choice stopper...

23rd November 2027
EFL Championship

Keepers. Who needs them.

With Macey sidelined up until the latter half of the season, we make moves to make up for the lack of first-choice keeper by simply attacking our way to safety. A demolition job of a performance saw the boys brutally see off a play-off chasing Norwich in convincing fashion to demonstrate our credentials to the rest of the League.


27th November 2027
EFL Championship

Having made a big impression in the League just Four days prior we are quickly shut back down by a Plymouth side also doing their utmost to push off their status as relegation favourites. A late red-card from Summer arrival, Gywn Wells quickly ended our hopes of seeing out the victory with the Pilgrims quick to peg us back.


November 2027
EFL Championship

Will this ever stop?

I'm starting to feel worrying close to a man at the wheel of a car that is out of control. This club just cannot stop.

Every time I think it's time to jump ship and take the next available opportunity they go on to surprise me and the rest of the footballing world this time pushing their way towards the upper-half of the table with a set of results that would suggest this club were Championship heavy-weights.

It's getting to a point where I almost feel stupid for looking else where...

....but money calls.


​

 

[Snorks]

It's getting to a point where I almost feel stupid for looking else where...

....but money calls.


​

Nope, best time to put your name out there - your stock is high.

The bigger clubs will be watching you!

 

[TheBattman]

unreal!

 

[DerbyJack]

Well I certainly took those words to heart Snorks. It didn't quite work out as planned though...

I want you to remember that Battman before you check this month. I was "unreal"...once.

---

December 2027

4th December 2027
EFL Championship

Having just booked our ticket to the Quarter Finals of the League Cup at the Swans expense they quickly make amends for their cup exit with a late victory over the Bee's. With the Hive once again packed to the rafters, the home crowd very nearly witnessed another impressive result against the former Premier League side until a late winner silenced the Barnet faithful.


11th December 2027
EFL Championship

I think we have been rumbled.

The Championship suddenly seems to be taking the little up starts from the depths of English football seriously. A struggling Birmingham refused to be another number for the Bee's growing list of vanquished clubs as they dominate at St Andrews from start to finish. Thankfully It seems I have a number of escape routes lining up...

...The managerial merry-go-round has begun...

15th December 2027
EFL Cup - Quarter Final

With Three European Top-flight teams all potentially offering me with an escape route from a Barnet side seemingly approaching the peak of their momentous climb from the deep, Everton did me absolutely no favors as they soundly destroyed my bruised and battered Bee's in a crunching affair at Goodison Park. Guess I'll just rely on my wit and charm then...

18th December 2027
EFL Championship

Or you know. We could just pull off another surprise victory. Sheffield Wednesday find themselves currently struggling to break free of the bottom of half of the table as their expected play-off push struggles to jump into life. A rare Eisa goal proves to be enough to keep The Owls down for now but it was my own ego that took the biggest battering today...

21st December 2027
EFL Championship

Whilst I struggle to accept that I'm essentially being invited to interviews to make up the numbers, the boys are soundly beaten by a Huddersfield side determined to smash their way back into the Premier League. Despite the clubs third defeat in Four games the Footballing gods once again dangle top-flight European football in-front of my face...

26th December 2027
EFL Championship

Well that one hurt.

Having been promoted with us last season, Bury should have been an easy source of points for a Barnet side once within touching distance of the top-half of the table but in a thrilling tie, The Home side refused to give up on the chance of an important Three points with a last minute goal giving them a deserved victory. Bet that impressed the Genoa fans.


28th December 2027
EFL Championship

Having flirted so very briefly with being an actual Championship outfit, it seems the Bee's are well and truly being reminded of their lowly status in a horrific month of football. A sound defeat to a play-off chasing Ipswich was painful enough but what happened off the pitch certainly made for an awkward end to the Year...

December 2027
EFL Championship

Things have taken a turn.

With my ego very much bruised and the club spiraling back down the table with just one victory all month it seems my Bubble with the Bee's might just have burst in style.

With a New Year approaching I'm going to need either a resurgent push from the Bee's or a club desperate enough to off me a long-awaited raise.

I won't hold my breath.

​